It had to Happen

Last Wednesday, Savita said she wanted to go out to dinner with me and my sister said she would make sure my daughter was o.k.. Savita usually enjoys a quiet dinner at home on weekdays and so I asked what the occasion was. She said that she just wanted a special dinner with me. I agreed and we went to a Thai restaurant on Crown Street. Savita ate slowly and talked lots. We have been living together just over a week and I am still learning the many sides to her.

After the dinner, she said she wanted to visit Sue and Lisa. I was surprised but she told me that Sue had invited us for 10pm – after she finished work. I followed her meekly feeling that there was something more than I was being told.

Savita was right. Sue and Lisa were expecting us and opened a bottle of wine to drink to “the newest couple”. Lisa was clearly trying to be welcoming but more and more it is becoming obvious that she just does not like me. She has however warmed to Savita and they were soon gossiping away to an extent that amazed me given how little time they have known each other. The visit was getting more vocal when a little person emerged from the second bedroom.

It was my daughter and I immediately exclaimed “What are you doing here? “

“Aunties Sue and Lisa wanted to have me”, she explained.

The tone was a lot quieter now and after I had settled my daughter back in her bed, I came out and asked “O.K. What is going on?” I already had a pretty good idea.

“We thought it would be nice to see your daughter” said Sue quite nervously.

“To leave John and my sister alone, I suppose.” I replied.

Savita said “Yes, your sister asked us.”

“And no one thought to discuss it with me.”

Lisa was ready to respond but Savita kept talking. “Grace, it was very hard for me not to tell you but I really believed it wasn’t fair to tell you. You would feel you had to make a decision and really it is totally between John and your sister. If you approved it then it creates pressure on John and your sister – if you don’t approve then I think you would have regretted it later. I am sorry but I did believe that it was best for everyone to give those two a chance to see how they go,”

“So John played along?”

“No, he was not aware of the plan – it was your sister who pushed it.”

“John will be pretty pissed off to be manipulated like this.”

“Possibly but he’ll get over it’ said Sue. “But it sounds like it isn’t going too bad – I got a text message from your sister an hour ago saying ‘Not a virgin. So wonderful’”.

I didn’t want to show my emotions but I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach when I heard this. I was angry at everyone – especially Savita who I felt had betrayed me. I got up and went back to the room where my daughter was and looked at her. She was half asleep and I just lay down beside her. I felt hurt and deeply alone. There was no one I could talk to – Savita was against me.

I dozed for a few minutes– the effect of the wine I guess - but then woke up suddenly and decided it was time to go home. I silently slid away from my now sleeping daughter and came out, saying “I’m going now”.

“Wait for me”, Savita pleaded but I ignored her.

She rushed out after me as I went down to find a taxi. I was not walking home even If I was angry. Savita grabbed my hand but I pulled away.

Savita said “I was right – you love John most – why did I fucking expect different.”
I looked at her and said “Do you really think that?”

“Yes – as soon as there is a threat that he might find someone else you reject me.”

“Savita, he’s fucking my sister – you don’t know how I feel."

“No. But I know how I feel. I feel just so glad that he is doing it – he is the person who scares me most – because he is so good and you love him so fucking much!”

“You’re jealous?”

“So much!”

“Is that why you helped my sister?”

“Of course. I will do anything to get him and you apart sexually– provided it doesn’t hurt him. – I accept he will always be your good friend and I know why but I think your sister might just be the best thing for him – and I think he is the best for her and for me, it’s the best too.”

“So my feelings do not matter?”

“Of course they matter – but the feelings you have for John are too hard for me – I am sorry Grace but I want John to be taken. I’m so jealous of him – I know he could get you back anytime he wants.”

The emotion that Savita was trying to hold back affected me more than I thought it would.

“Savita, it’s not that I want John back. I just wanted to be respected – everyone decided I couldn’t be trusted.”

“No – nobody decided that. Sue and I both wanted to tell you but your sister swore us to secrecy and Lisa supported her strongly – she said she knew if you were involved then it would never be just John and her. She is deadly serious that she tries to get John by herself.”

“She must have talked a lot to you.”

“We did talk – she knows that I want her to succeed. She planned this so carefully. She wanted her first time with John to be something that could reach him. She knew how carefully I planned to catch you – although I always thought it was just to be as a casual part of your life.”

“But, Savita, why don’t you trust my love for you.”

“Grace, you are wonderful but you have so many people in your life – how can I compete- and I do so much want you for the long time. . I can cope with the men you fuck – but not John. John warned me it wouldn’t be easy – he asked was I ready for a woman who was so sexually active – could I cope with the jealousy.

“Fuck John! Why does he say things like that.”

“He’s been married to you for years and he was warning me from experience that it wasn’t easy – as he put it if I go in for a long term relationship with my eyes open, it’s much more likely to succeed and sorry, Grace, I want long term.”

“John is so fucking arrogant – he feels he can explain me.”

Savita laughed “I’m so glad you are angry at him even if what you are saying is complete rubbish. Trouble is Grace you know its rubbish and you love him too much.”

“Savita, listen carefully. Of course I care deeply about John – we have so much history and he was so good to me. He can be closest friends with women - just look at Sue – she loves John but she does not want to fuck him. But Savita get this clear I want long-term with you – I pray it works and I don’t screw things up. I promise you I won’t fuck him and I will never do anything to get in the way of him with my sister or him with any other woman– I know I have you and I am not complaining. I am just hurt the way it was done.”

“Sorry, Grace – I can see that.”

We then kissed and made up. I am flattered by Savita’s jealousy. Again and again, I am reminded just how precious Savita is. John picked it well when he emphasised that she is a good person and there was so much between us.

Savita asked “shall we go home or back to Sue’s?”

“Do you think it s ok to go home? Will we interrupt?’

“I just promised to be out till midnight and it’s already past then.”

“I don’t want to go back to Sue’s – I think Lisa hates me.”

“What do you expect – you fuck her partner when she is 7 months pregnant and then boast about it in your blog.”

“Oh fuck – I’m so stupid – I never saw it that way - it’s not what I meant – but I see why she hates me. How can you stand such a horrible woman as me, Savita?”

Savita laughed. “Grace, I can think of no one less horrible - you put your foot in it but you never aim to hurt. I love you for your innocent good-will – you never want to hurt people but you do forget not everyone is quite as horny as you and a lot of people get jealous.”

I don’t think she was only talking of Lisa.

Savita then said “Let’s go home - I need some sleep – I have to work tomorrow.“

When we arrived home, the door to the other bedroom was closed and John was not on the sofa where he has been sleeping– I was relieved – I did not want to face John or my sister tonight. Savita and I shared a shower and cuddling up together we went to sleep.