The Green-Eyed Monster

I was quite silly a few days back. I had noticed that Savita and Sylvie seemed to be getting on very well. I felt that they were attracted to each other. Savita kissed Sylvie on the cheek and it seemed a little too passionate. I felt I detected a good degree of intimacy between them.

I stewed on this for a few days, wondering if I should talk to Chantelle but deciding no. It seemed so logical to me. Both educated pretty women, respectable but gay. They would make an ideal couple. I would be left alone – I could see it all ahead of me. I hated it. To lose my beautiful Savita, so soon – and me planning a lifetime! It became an inevitable fact hanging over me.

Finally I broke and said to Savita “Well, when are you going to tell me?”

“Eh? Tell what.”

“About you and Sylvie.”

“What about her and me?”

“I’ve seen how you are attracted to each other. I’m not a fool!”

Then Savita burst out laughing and chanting “Grace is jealous. Grace is jealous.”

“Stop it – it’s not a joke.”

“Oh but my darling it is a joke! A wonderful, marvellous, delightful joke! Sylvie and I have only met when you’ve been around – there’s nothing between us. When we have talked, it’s always about you. I like her because she is so nice about me having the girl she clearly likes a lot – she’s very attracted to you, you know, even though she is now devoted to Chantelle. We laugh about your special characteristics, your Grace-isms as we call them – I can see how much she has watched and observed you. It reminds me how lucky I am to have you.”

I was already feeling much relieved but said “how can you have talked about these things if I am always with you?”

Savita laughed more “Jeez – you were not with us all the time – you might go to do something – one day you put your daughter to bed and we had quite a chat – but don’t worry we were chaperoned by Chantelle!”

Then she started again teasing me “Grace is jealous, Grace is jealous”.

“Stop it!”

“Sorry, I’m just so delighted you can be jealous about me – it makes me feel I am worth something to you.”

“Savita! How can you say that? Don’t you know that you are worth everything to me? You don’t know how sick I’ve been with the thought of losing you. I am jealous all the time even though I know I have no right to be. I am much more jealous than you.”

“Don’t you bet on that! You don’t know how much I am jealous – I absolutely hated seeing Anka and Meera touch you. I’m as jealous as hell of John and also of Sue. Even that F. guy makes me uncomfortable.”

“What about my other clients?”

“Not jealous of the men – I don’t feel there is any emotional attachment – even to the hunk. It turns me on to think of you fucking them because your sexuality is so great. It’s where there’s emotion for the person from you or it’s another woman that I get jealous.”

“I was so jealous when I saw you with Anka and Meera, too” I commented.

We talked a lot about this – a nice healthy relationship-affirming talk and we agreed on some things: Savita swore she will never have sex with another woman and I promised not to have sex with any woman except in lesbian doubles at work. I will also only fuck clients or men in situations where Savita agrees. Certainly John is off-limits to me. I find this pledge a bit strange since I still fuck around in some ways but Savita does not at all but it works for us and gives me the ability to work. Savita said she wanted the ability to keep me “slutty”.

I believe that in our case jealousy was actually an affirmation of the value we place on each other. Even in terms of John and me, Savita encourages our friendship and says that she knows that we will be friends – she just does not want us to be lovers. My sister, however, is much more jealous and hovers around us when we talk – and the only subject we have talked about is our daughter.

I know my sister is really worried about losing John and I am her biggest worry –I am not so sure that this level of jealousy is healthy for her but it is a lot more healthy than my occasional bouts of jealousy about John fucking her – every time I feel a pang, I tell myself it’s a fact and a good thing. I want her to get more confidence that John is focused on her – and I can see that he is working hard to give her that confidence. In fact of the four of us, he is the only one that seems to be free of the green-eyed monster.