Understanding

A few people have commented to me how quickly I seem to have got over my rape. Already three months have passed and I do not talk about it, It is true that I have focussed on Savita and the development of our relationship has given me a positive impetus in life. However, it is not so easy.

I was very surprised and impressed the other day when the four of us (John, my sister, Savita and I) were watching TV and a passing reference to a girl being raped came up. I felt suddenly horrible but said nothing and thought no one had noticed my agitation. But suddenly John said softly “You don’t have to keep it inside – we know it still hurts.”

Savita then pulled me close and held me tight, making me feel the safety of her love but I was amazed at how accurately John had picked up my feelings.

Later, as we lying together in bed, in our pillow talk, Savita raised this with me by saying “Grace, I felt so bad today when John picked up your distress – how can I say I’m good enough for you when I can’t even pick up when you hurt. I think you made a mistake to drop John for me – he seems to understand you so well – how can I learn to be as good for you. I’m so sorry my darling”

“Sav my darling, how can you say it is a mistake to be with you – do you feel I am wrong for you. Yes, John understands me but he has known me so long and he is and I hope always will be a close friend. But he is not my lover – you are – if you want to be, that is?”

Savita seemed still a little anxious as we held each other tight. She said “you are lucky to have as good a friend as John” and I said to her “I am also lucky to have you, my lover and partner”. It is true I am very lucky to have a friend like John and a lover like Savita whom I love so much and who satisfies me so completely.