A few people have commented to me how quickly I seem to have got over my rape. Already three months have passed and I do not talk about it, It is true that I have focussed on Savita and the development of our relationship has given me a positive impetus in life. However, it is not so easy.
I was very surprised and impressed the other day when the four of us (John, my sister, Savita and I) were watching TV and a passing reference to a girl being raped came up. I felt suddenly horrible but said nothing and thought no one had noticed my agitation. But suddenly John said softly “You don’t have to keep it inside – we know it still hurts.”
Savita then pulled me close and held me tight, making me feel the safety of her love but I was amazed at how accurately John had picked up my feelings.
Later, as we lying together in bed, in our pillow talk, Savita raised this with me by saying “Grace, I felt so bad today when John picked up your distress – how can I say I’m good enough for you when I can’t even pick up when you hurt. I think you made a mistake to drop John for me – he seems to understand you so well – how can I learn to be as good for you. I’m so sorry my darling”
“Sav my darling, how can you say it is a mistake to be with you – do you feel I am wrong for you. Yes, John understands me but he has known me so long and he is and I hope always will be a close friend. But he is not my lover – you are – if you want to be, that is?”
Savita seemed still a little anxious as we held each other tight. She said “you are lucky to have as good a friend as John” and I said to her “I am also lucky to have you, my lover and partner”. It is true I am very lucky to have a friend like John and a lover like Savita whom I love so much and who satisfies me so completely.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Savita's Whore
The relationship between Savita is becoming more clearly defined. It was strange that at the beginning she referred to me as her husband. To the extent that “husband” implies sexual dominance, I think that she has always been the real husband of our relationship although in the early days, she was learning how to express her sexuality and sought my guidance.
However things are moving in exciting new ways as Savita gets more comfortable to express her desires. When we go to bed together, we talk about our days. Often Savita asks me about mine and wants intimate details of my work. As I talk about my kneeling before a man sucking his cock, Savita will get increasingly turned on and the conversation will become more and more sexual and I will emphasise the sluttish side of my behaviour. Often, Savita’s hand will slide between my legs and her fingers will start playing with me. Slowly it turns from conversation to straight love-making.
Savita had said a lot of times that she was turned on by being dominant and saying she wanted to say things but was always terrified that once she said them, they would be a poison between us. She says always that her main focus is keeping our relationship and not just getting turned on short term. I have told her a number of times that in the bedroom, she can say anything– she can dominate me as much as she wants – and I sense she is even more dominant that she thinks she is – but as long as she keeps it in the bedroom, it will benefit not harm our total relationship but Savita has been very uncertain – she always says that she could never find someone as special as me and does not want to take risks – just the same feeling as I have about her.
I have learnt that Savita is really very turned on by the idea of me being a slut. She wants to say it to me, call me names and call me a whore etc. She wants to dominate me and use me completely as a sex slave. But all this in the context that she is very dependent on me and I feel she needs me very deeply. Deep down she feels I am a complete slut and in one sense my complete sexual abandon amazes and shocks her. She never said it but I really feel that in her heart, she wants to humiliate me – she was just so turned on seeing me covered with cum from the hunk. After we read the most sexual parts of my diary or I describe how I fucked with complete abandon, Savita and I fuck with an intensity that is impossible to describe.
But, until recently, Savita couldn’t take the next step and say the things she wanted to say and use me as completely as she wanted because, despite the fact that she thinks I am a complete slut, she has an almost contradictory respect for me. This respect is a necessary component in us having a balanced relationship. If she just wanted me as her sex slave, I would never feel at ease with her.
However things are progressing. The most recent step forward started as a joke but quickly became something so hot between us that it is taking on a life of its own.
We were joking one day a while back as we getting ready to go to bed. Both of us were in panties and bra and I think we were measuring up if we would have a fuck session or just go to bed. I was talking about going to get another chocolate before I went to bed and said I’m very naughty. “Very naughty” Savita echoed. “I should spank you – you’re so naughty”.
“You wouldn’t dare”, I teased, already a bit turned on by the idea.
“Don’t bet on it”, Savita replied pulling me to her – so gently that if I had struggled even slightly I could have got away. Then she pulled down my panties (white lace), exposing my ass and pussy to her view as she took me over her knees and smacked me so gently, I could hardly feel it.
“Well that’s not going to punish me”, I teased but she hesitated and I said “If I want you to stop I’ll say ‘dog food’ – go for it– I want it.”
“You sure?” she asked.
“Of course – now stop talking!”
She spanked me one more time just a little harder. I was aroused by this and said “I’ve been naughtier than that.” Savita spanked me once more again harder but not too hard. My pussy was exposed to her and she said (a little too hesitantly) “you’re getting wet, little slut”. She started playing with my pussy as she said that.
“Yes, I’m your little slut. Use me.”
Savita was quiet, seemingly nervous of doing the wrong thing, and so I emphasised, “Darling, I need you to dominate me – do the most extreme things possible – I know you are turned on by using and dominating and I am so excited when you do it. The control word is there – trust yourself and say anything – show me that I am just your fuck object.”
“But, I respect you and love you – even though I am turned on by your sexy body and I want to use you – I’m scared that afterwards what I say will stick and make trouble.”
“Fuck it, Savita – you know I am turned on by it – you know I love you – you know I want you to say the worst things and you are treating me like a princess. Here I am bent over your knees pussy exposed, begging to be used – I’ve given you a safe word. Maybe the sight of me spread across your legs, showing my cunt doesn’t turn you on – maybe I’m just not sexy enough for you. Maybe you don’t really want me as your slut.”
Suddenly I felt a hard slap across my ass and Savita said “shut up, you whore – don’t you tell me what to do and what I feel. I find you the sexiest little slut and I want to use your little whore body.”
I could sense Savita faltering slightly and I needed to encourage her to continue. So I said “Yes,, use me as your little slut.”
Since I encouraged her, Savita then really was convinced that I wanted it and was happy with what she done. From then on she did not falter. First she pushed me off her knees.
“Why should I use you?” (Later, Savita joked about this with me, saying that she felt a bit confused how to play it and she has never been so inconsistent – one minute saying she wanted to use me and in the next breath, questioning why she should. But at the time it worked.)
“Because I need you”
“If you want to be used, you’re going to have to do better than that. Beg for it. Tell me what you offer, what you do – I know you’re a little whore but why should I use you? Tell me what you do – tell me what a little slut you are.”
“Please, use me. You are my mistress – you own me –You know that I’m the little slut who fucks men for money. I sell my cunt. You’ve seen me cum-covered, used by a man. You’ve used my whore body. I want so much to please you – I want to lick my owner’s pussy. Lick your pussy.”
My talk was not so much coherent as a way of giving Savita comfort that she could say these things to me and also I was expressing my excitement at being used – and I was very turned on. I had moved into position as I was talking and I was now kneeling in front of Savita as she sat on the bed.
She used her foot to push me so that I was in the position she wanted. Her feet were resting on each of my shoulders so that I was positioned between her legs. I could see her panties – which looked very wet and smelled of her love juices.
“What are you looking at?”
“Your pussy, mistress.” (I was not sure if “mistress” was the right way to call her but she seemed to like it.”
“You like my pussy, slut?”
“Yes, mistress.”
“It has never had a cock in it. Can you say the same about your pussy, slut?”
“No mistress.”
“How many cocks has your pussy had?”
“So many, thousands.”
“Thousands? So many? How slutty can you be? You really like getting fucked, don’t you? Why do men fuck you.”
“I’m a whore, - men fuck me for their pleasure– they use me as a fuck slut
“You’re my whore, my fuck slut, you know that don’t you?” Savita said.
“Yes, mistress, I’m your whore – you own me.”
“But still you fuck around – spreading your legs and letting cocks go into your cunt and mouth.”
“Does mistress want me to stop doing that.”
“My little fuck slut must do what she’s good at. She’s good at fucking men. She likes fucking and getting paid for it. Her mouth and pussy are made for fucking.”
I could see that Savita thought she had gone too far as soon as she said that and so I immediately took up the theme to emphasise how much her words were turning me on. “Yes, my mistress, I am a good fuck slut – a little Chinese hooker who sells her cunt and fucks and sucks for money. It makes me horny for my mistress who I want to use me. Does my mistress want a dirty little whore like me?”
“Will my whore work hard to please me?”
“Yes mistress.”
“Does she love my pussy?”
“She worships it.”
Savita suddenly pushed me back with her feet that had been resting on my shoulders and I was back on to the carpet face up. She stood up from the side of the bed where she had been sitting and, after quickly pulling her panties, she placed her (very wet) pussy over my face
“You slut – you have made me so wet – clean up my pussy”, she said
“Your stupid little slut will clean her mistress,” I replied.
“My clever slut will please me -this clever little whore who can turn me on too much.”
I noted the emphasis and realised that she did not want the word ‘stupid’ but immediately got to work licking her pussy. She was not particularly comfortable squatting over me and soon she pulled me on to the bed, placing me in position and then said, “Keep licking my pussy, slut, but show me your cunt – I want to see my whore really is excited serving her mistress”. Then we started 69ing with Savita on top, her tongue probing my pussy and bringing my already wet pussy to a very quick climax even as Savita also came with my tongue stimulating her clit. The play had really turned us both on so much that our orgasms were on us very quickly.
Later as we cuddled, Savita said “Grace, I’m scared – what I said just isn’t right _ I don’t own you – I know how easily I could lose you – you’re not my slut – you’re the woman I love – don’t let me destroy things. I want you as my life partner.”
Then I stoked her face gently and spoke “Savita, I am a submissive – I want to be owned by you. Did you see me resisting – God, Savita, how turned on was I? I was like a bitch in heat as you said these things to me. I wanted you to use me – when you spanked me and when you pushed me on to the carpet I wanted you to do more – I could tell you were controlling your force carefully – don’t lose that control totally because that will destroy things – but lighten up – trust yourself – I want to be your whore.”
“O.k. I’ll trust you on this but one thing, never again call yourself ‘stupid’ – I really hate that - that is not a turn-on – it makes me angry.”
“Yes, my mistress. I will obey you on that as on all things.” I whispered.
Savita fell asleep first her arm still on me and her hand sitting on my pussy, asserting her ownership of me. As I gradually dozed off, I felt a contentment pervade me – I was Savita’s whore but also more in control of my life than at any time I can think of. She might own and control me but I get a feeling of safety - she needs to own me and I just hope she wants me to continue to be the slut that I am.
However things are moving in exciting new ways as Savita gets more comfortable to express her desires. When we go to bed together, we talk about our days. Often Savita asks me about mine and wants intimate details of my work. As I talk about my kneeling before a man sucking his cock, Savita will get increasingly turned on and the conversation will become more and more sexual and I will emphasise the sluttish side of my behaviour. Often, Savita’s hand will slide between my legs and her fingers will start playing with me. Slowly it turns from conversation to straight love-making.
Savita had said a lot of times that she was turned on by being dominant and saying she wanted to say things but was always terrified that once she said them, they would be a poison between us. She says always that her main focus is keeping our relationship and not just getting turned on short term. I have told her a number of times that in the bedroom, she can say anything– she can dominate me as much as she wants – and I sense she is even more dominant that she thinks she is – but as long as she keeps it in the bedroom, it will benefit not harm our total relationship but Savita has been very uncertain – she always says that she could never find someone as special as me and does not want to take risks – just the same feeling as I have about her.
I have learnt that Savita is really very turned on by the idea of me being a slut. She wants to say it to me, call me names and call me a whore etc. She wants to dominate me and use me completely as a sex slave. But all this in the context that she is very dependent on me and I feel she needs me very deeply. Deep down she feels I am a complete slut and in one sense my complete sexual abandon amazes and shocks her. She never said it but I really feel that in her heart, she wants to humiliate me – she was just so turned on seeing me covered with cum from the hunk. After we read the most sexual parts of my diary or I describe how I fucked with complete abandon, Savita and I fuck with an intensity that is impossible to describe.
But, until recently, Savita couldn’t take the next step and say the things she wanted to say and use me as completely as she wanted because, despite the fact that she thinks I am a complete slut, she has an almost contradictory respect for me. This respect is a necessary component in us having a balanced relationship. If she just wanted me as her sex slave, I would never feel at ease with her.
However things are progressing. The most recent step forward started as a joke but quickly became something so hot between us that it is taking on a life of its own.
We were joking one day a while back as we getting ready to go to bed. Both of us were in panties and bra and I think we were measuring up if we would have a fuck session or just go to bed. I was talking about going to get another chocolate before I went to bed and said I’m very naughty. “Very naughty” Savita echoed. “I should spank you – you’re so naughty”.
“You wouldn’t dare”, I teased, already a bit turned on by the idea.
“Don’t bet on it”, Savita replied pulling me to her – so gently that if I had struggled even slightly I could have got away. Then she pulled down my panties (white lace), exposing my ass and pussy to her view as she took me over her knees and smacked me so gently, I could hardly feel it.
“Well that’s not going to punish me”, I teased but she hesitated and I said “If I want you to stop I’ll say ‘dog food’ – go for it– I want it.”
“You sure?” she asked.
“Of course – now stop talking!”
She spanked me one more time just a little harder. I was aroused by this and said “I’ve been naughtier than that.” Savita spanked me once more again harder but not too hard. My pussy was exposed to her and she said (a little too hesitantly) “you’re getting wet, little slut”. She started playing with my pussy as she said that.
“Yes, I’m your little slut. Use me.”
Savita was quiet, seemingly nervous of doing the wrong thing, and so I emphasised, “Darling, I need you to dominate me – do the most extreme things possible – I know you are turned on by using and dominating and I am so excited when you do it. The control word is there – trust yourself and say anything – show me that I am just your fuck object.”
“But, I respect you and love you – even though I am turned on by your sexy body and I want to use you – I’m scared that afterwards what I say will stick and make trouble.”
“Fuck it, Savita – you know I am turned on by it – you know I love you – you know I want you to say the worst things and you are treating me like a princess. Here I am bent over your knees pussy exposed, begging to be used – I’ve given you a safe word. Maybe the sight of me spread across your legs, showing my cunt doesn’t turn you on – maybe I’m just not sexy enough for you. Maybe you don’t really want me as your slut.”
Suddenly I felt a hard slap across my ass and Savita said “shut up, you whore – don’t you tell me what to do and what I feel. I find you the sexiest little slut and I want to use your little whore body.”
I could sense Savita faltering slightly and I needed to encourage her to continue. So I said “Yes,, use me as your little slut.”
Since I encouraged her, Savita then really was convinced that I wanted it and was happy with what she done. From then on she did not falter. First she pushed me off her knees.
“Why should I use you?” (Later, Savita joked about this with me, saying that she felt a bit confused how to play it and she has never been so inconsistent – one minute saying she wanted to use me and in the next breath, questioning why she should. But at the time it worked.)
“Because I need you”
“If you want to be used, you’re going to have to do better than that. Beg for it. Tell me what you offer, what you do – I know you’re a little whore but why should I use you? Tell me what you do – tell me what a little slut you are.”
“Please, use me. You are my mistress – you own me –You know that I’m the little slut who fucks men for money. I sell my cunt. You’ve seen me cum-covered, used by a man. You’ve used my whore body. I want so much to please you – I want to lick my owner’s pussy. Lick your pussy.”
My talk was not so much coherent as a way of giving Savita comfort that she could say these things to me and also I was expressing my excitement at being used – and I was very turned on. I had moved into position as I was talking and I was now kneeling in front of Savita as she sat on the bed.
She used her foot to push me so that I was in the position she wanted. Her feet were resting on each of my shoulders so that I was positioned between her legs. I could see her panties – which looked very wet and smelled of her love juices.
“What are you looking at?”
“Your pussy, mistress.” (I was not sure if “mistress” was the right way to call her but she seemed to like it.”
“You like my pussy, slut?”
“Yes, mistress.”
“It has never had a cock in it. Can you say the same about your pussy, slut?”
“No mistress.”
“How many cocks has your pussy had?”
“So many, thousands.”
“Thousands? So many? How slutty can you be? You really like getting fucked, don’t you? Why do men fuck you.”
“I’m a whore, - men fuck me for their pleasure– they use me as a fuck slut
“You’re my whore, my fuck slut, you know that don’t you?” Savita said.
“Yes, mistress, I’m your whore – you own me.”
“But still you fuck around – spreading your legs and letting cocks go into your cunt and mouth.”
“Does mistress want me to stop doing that.”
“My little fuck slut must do what she’s good at. She’s good at fucking men. She likes fucking and getting paid for it. Her mouth and pussy are made for fucking.”
I could see that Savita thought she had gone too far as soon as she said that and so I immediately took up the theme to emphasise how much her words were turning me on. “Yes, my mistress, I am a good fuck slut – a little Chinese hooker who sells her cunt and fucks and sucks for money. It makes me horny for my mistress who I want to use me. Does my mistress want a dirty little whore like me?”
“Will my whore work hard to please me?”
“Yes mistress.”
“Does she love my pussy?”
“She worships it.”
Savita suddenly pushed me back with her feet that had been resting on my shoulders and I was back on to the carpet face up. She stood up from the side of the bed where she had been sitting and, after quickly pulling her panties, she placed her (very wet) pussy over my face
“You slut – you have made me so wet – clean up my pussy”, she said
“Your stupid little slut will clean her mistress,” I replied.
“My clever slut will please me -this clever little whore who can turn me on too much.”
I noted the emphasis and realised that she did not want the word ‘stupid’ but immediately got to work licking her pussy. She was not particularly comfortable squatting over me and soon she pulled me on to the bed, placing me in position and then said, “Keep licking my pussy, slut, but show me your cunt – I want to see my whore really is excited serving her mistress”. Then we started 69ing with Savita on top, her tongue probing my pussy and bringing my already wet pussy to a very quick climax even as Savita also came with my tongue stimulating her clit. The play had really turned us both on so much that our orgasms were on us very quickly.
Later as we cuddled, Savita said “Grace, I’m scared – what I said just isn’t right _ I don’t own you – I know how easily I could lose you – you’re not my slut – you’re the woman I love – don’t let me destroy things. I want you as my life partner.”
Then I stoked her face gently and spoke “Savita, I am a submissive – I want to be owned by you. Did you see me resisting – God, Savita, how turned on was I? I was like a bitch in heat as you said these things to me. I wanted you to use me – when you spanked me and when you pushed me on to the carpet I wanted you to do more – I could tell you were controlling your force carefully – don’t lose that control totally because that will destroy things – but lighten up – trust yourself – I want to be your whore.”
“O.k. I’ll trust you on this but one thing, never again call yourself ‘stupid’ – I really hate that - that is not a turn-on – it makes me angry.”
“Yes, my mistress. I will obey you on that as on all things.” I whispered.
Savita fell asleep first her arm still on me and her hand sitting on my pussy, asserting her ownership of me. As I gradually dozed off, I felt a contentment pervade me – I was Savita’s whore but also more in control of my life than at any time I can think of. She might own and control me but I get a feeling of safety - she needs to own me and I just hope she wants me to continue to be the slut that I am.
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