Well I gave the questions last post. Did anyone guess the answers?
Here goes but when I read the questions, I am leaving the first question at this stage because it involves revealing something that I need to word very carefully.
1) Do you still like giving blow jobs? What size cock is the best to suck? What size is best to fuck? Do you usually use condoms when sucking? How about when fucking?
Yes I like giving blow jobs. I like the feel and sensation of a cock going in and out of my mouth. I find them the most erotic part of work. When I kneel in front of a guy sucking him off, I can best experience the feel of being sexually submissive and slutty. Average size cocks are best for sucking since they slide in smoothly – maybe sometimes a bigger cock is good for fucking since it fills me but for blow jobs, it is nice to have a smaller size where I can let it slide right in and feel the base pres against my lips. I almost always use condoms for fucking. For sucking, I am more inclined to suck natural-style – although I do worry a bit about this and I do insist on cleanliness. I do not like the taste of latex and it is not as intimate. Also I like the taste of cocks and cum. I could write more on this but I’ll leave it for now.
2. You say you’re an exhibitionist - so why don’t you cam? Why no pictures on your blog? What turns you on – do you masturbate in front of clients? – do you show them you pussy wide spread or do you hide it?– do you shove a dildo up your cunt in front of men? Do you close your eyes when you fuck or do you look at the man is pushing his cock into you?
Cams have never appealed – too impersonal. I like to see the people I exhibit to. As I commented, I do not put up pictures so that I do not help put links between my working and other life but also again I am not much excited by the thought of men wanking off to my picture if I am not there. Yes I do masturbate in front of clients if they like and I find it exciting when a guy is watching me closely. I tend to spread my legs wide so that the client can see. If the client likes, I will use a dildo and I usually carry my own to make sure that I have one if required. I sometimes close my eyes but most of the time I watch men when they fuck me or I am sucking their cock. It does depend a bit on my mood though. I am also very turned on at times by being a little shocking- for example, most girls sneak out of the brothel at end of work. I am very open about it and let people walking past see me coming out and will look into their eyes if they stare at me. I can get quite turned on when they look shocked. (John did point out that often people passing by might not know that the place I am coming out of is a brothel.)
3. You say you have done a gang bang – did you enjoy it – do you do them often? Do you get paid or do it for fun. Do you let men fuck all your holes at once?
I do not do them often – in fact I have only done a session with more than three guys on one occasion – and, yes, I was paid for it but I was keen to do it. Yes I was fucked in all holes at one time and in general I let go, enjoyed it and I was a total slut.
4. When a man is fucking you, do you let him call you names? What kind of names? Does it turn you off or on?
I get called a lot of names – but a warning here, many working girls hate being called names and a client should always check first. One of my favourite clients is really turned on by saying sexually derogatory names and using racist terms – he has made sure I am easy with it and whether this reveals his real thinking or is just a way of getting off as he claims, it doesn’t bother me – he is always careful with me and often apologises afterwards – he I really quite a sweetie (and also a good tipper). He can call me a “slant-eyed slut”, “little gook fuck object” or “Chink cunt-seller” and get away with it – but outside of the sexual setting of a session, I would never allow it. Actually when a client calls me a whore or talks like this client – especially when he is fucking me – it can be a turn-on.
5. Have you ever fucked a transsexual? Is it a turn-on or turn-off idea for you?Yes, I have on several occasions. It is a bit of a turn-on – especially if the trannie is feminine but the only problems I have found is often they cannot get hard and they are often more turned on by men than women.
6. What’s with this lesbian stuff? When I read about John and how he was your special man, I felt hope for me, now I read you are all over Anna – does this mean you don’t like men any more – do you think you will have another boyfriend – if so, do you like older – or are you off that too? Do you fuck Anna every night? You both work - how do you feel when you lick a pussy knowing that it has just been having cocks pushing in and out of it? Does Anna lick your pussy well – what’s so special about fucking her? Do you just lick pussy? What else do you do?
I still like men and enjoy having sex with them – I do not feel as close emotionally as I do to women. It is possible that I might have another boyfriend in the future and it is possible that John and I may get together again. I still prefer older men in general – young men shoot their load fast and then lose interest until they want to cum again. Older men take a more measured consistent approach to things – of course, there are lots of exceptions to this both in the case of younger and older men. No I do not fuck Anna every night but we have sex very regularly (e.g. five or six times a week) and often after we have finished working. I find it very exciting to think that we have just been fucked by men and are now licking each others pussies and I think Anna feels the same. Most of our lovemaking is, however, not licking pussies – it is kissing, touching, caressing and holding. We play with each other in every way. We do share a dildo but again that is not the major part of our sex times.
7. Finally for now, do you think you are a slut? Are you ashamed that you fuck around? Is being a slut a bad thing? Do you want to change what you do?
I believe I am a slut – I am happy to screw around. I am not ashamed – I believe that it makes more of a woman to be openly sexual. I do not feel it is a bad thing. In fact, I am quit proud that I can be sexually desirable and interesting and I am not hiding behind meaningless rules for being a “proper” girl. I like fucking about, I am happy to spread my legs for both men and women. I do not want to change – although I know as I grow older I will need to.
Monday 4 February 2008 - 08:29AM (EST)
Friday, June 26, 2009
Questions from a friend
A few days back, I got a message from one of my 360 friends, Fli. He asked me a lot of questions – they were very personal and I think he was quite likely very aroused when he wrote the message. I was not at all upset by it because he had warned beforehand and although many of the questions could be taken as put-downs, he has made it very clear to me that he did not mean that way. In fact I was happy to get Fli’s message since it gives me the chance to talk about things and I like having men turned on me, although I much prefer it if I am actually with the man at the time.
I am not easily offended – my clients can say much worse than this to me and so if anyone is holding back – don’t.
Anyway, I asked Fli, if it was ok to answer the question in my blog and to include his messages. So here are the questions, In my next blog entry I will answer the questions and any others I get in the meanwhile.
Since you said it was ok to ask - part 1
O.k., Grace – you said I could ask. I think after I ask, you will tell me to fuck off, but I am curious – and also excited – to hear from a hot little hooker who sounds like she enjoys being a slut. I do not want to be rude but I m pretty horny thinking about you. If what I write sounds like I don’t respect you, that’s not the case – in fact, I think the fact that you are open about fucking around makes you a really fascinating and wonderful woman.
When did you start fucking? I read you talk about a bf who put you down before you met John but you also said John was the third man you fucked. Was that bf the first and did you have a casual fuck with some other guy in between him and John?
Do you still like giving blow jobs? What size cock is the best to suck? What size is best to fuck? Do you usually use condoms when sucking? How about when fucking?
You say you’re an exhibitionist - so why don’t you cam? Why no pictures on your blog? What turns you on – do you masturbate in front of clients? – do you show them you pussy wide spread or do you hide it?– do you shove a dildo up your cunt in front of men? Do you close your eyes when you fuck or do you look at the man is pushing his cock into you?
You say you have done a gang bang – did you enjoy it – do you do them often? Do you get paid or do it for fun. Do you let men fuck all your holes at once?
When a man is fucking you, do you let him call you names? What kind of names? Does it turn you off or on?
Have you ever fucked a transsexual? Is it a turn-on or turn-off idea for you?
Ran out of spavce, rest to cum
Since you said it was ok to ask - 2nd part
More questions:
What’s with this lesbian stuff? When I read about John and how he was your special man, I felt hope for me, now I read you are all over Anna – does this mean you don’t like men any more – do you think you will have another boyfriend – if so, do you like older – or are you off that too? Do you fuck Anna every night? You both work - how do you feel when you lick a pussy knowing that it has just been having cocks pushing in and out of it? Does Anna lick your pussy well – what’s so special about fucking her? Do you just lick pussy? What else do you do?
Finally for now, do you think you are a slut? Are you ashamed that you fuck around? Is being a slut a bad thing? Do you want to change what you do?
Again, sorry if offend,
Yours Hornily,
Fli.
Friday 25 January 2008 - 02:51PM (EST)
I am not easily offended – my clients can say much worse than this to me and so if anyone is holding back – don’t.
Anyway, I asked Fli, if it was ok to answer the question in my blog and to include his messages. So here are the questions, In my next blog entry I will answer the questions and any others I get in the meanwhile.
Since you said it was ok to ask - part 1
O.k., Grace – you said I could ask. I think after I ask, you will tell me to fuck off, but I am curious – and also excited – to hear from a hot little hooker who sounds like she enjoys being a slut. I do not want to be rude but I m pretty horny thinking about you. If what I write sounds like I don’t respect you, that’s not the case – in fact, I think the fact that you are open about fucking around makes you a really fascinating and wonderful woman.
When did you start fucking? I read you talk about a bf who put you down before you met John but you also said John was the third man you fucked. Was that bf the first and did you have a casual fuck with some other guy in between him and John?
Do you still like giving blow jobs? What size cock is the best to suck? What size is best to fuck? Do you usually use condoms when sucking? How about when fucking?
You say you’re an exhibitionist - so why don’t you cam? Why no pictures on your blog? What turns you on – do you masturbate in front of clients? – do you show them you pussy wide spread or do you hide it?– do you shove a dildo up your cunt in front of men? Do you close your eyes when you fuck or do you look at the man is pushing his cock into you?
You say you have done a gang bang – did you enjoy it – do you do them often? Do you get paid or do it for fun. Do you let men fuck all your holes at once?
When a man is fucking you, do you let him call you names? What kind of names? Does it turn you off or on?
Have you ever fucked a transsexual? Is it a turn-on or turn-off idea for you?
Ran out of spavce, rest to cum
Since you said it was ok to ask - 2nd part
More questions:
What’s with this lesbian stuff? When I read about John and how he was your special man, I felt hope for me, now I read you are all over Anna – does this mean you don’t like men any more – do you think you will have another boyfriend – if so, do you like older – or are you off that too? Do you fuck Anna every night? You both work - how do you feel when you lick a pussy knowing that it has just been having cocks pushing in and out of it? Does Anna lick your pussy well – what’s so special about fucking her? Do you just lick pussy? What else do you do?
Finally for now, do you think you are a slut? Are you ashamed that you fuck around? Is being a slut a bad thing? Do you want to change what you do?
Again, sorry if offend,
Yours Hornily,
Fli.
Friday 25 January 2008 - 02:51PM (EST)
Anna's Attitudes
quite surprised by Anna the other day. When I told her about our co-worker, she was not that sympathetic – she said that if she didn’t want to fuck, the girl shouldn’t have gone to his place and she should have taken the money. Anna’s life has been a lot harder than mine and I find she is less forgiving. and her attitudes are very different. I already commented on her views on the blow job girls and ladyboys. I have also found that she doesn’t like Middle Eastern or Black people.
I was quite upset about my co-worker and Anna's views and finished up talking to John – he is still in the house, mainly I think because he wants to keep close to our daughter – but since New Year he seems to be seeing a lot of Annette (both in terms of her body and amounts of time). John was totally sympathetic for the girl and commented that it was unfortunate how the vulnerable were so often exploited. As for Anna, John was very cautious but pointed out that she had not received the same style of education as us with an encouragement of tolerance - that along with the challenges of her life gave her a very different view on life.
I said I needed to teach her tolerance and he said that you cannot change people to what you want – but I am hopeful that Anna’s sweet nature will help her develop tolerance as she settles into a loving relationship.
Monday 7 January 2008 - 07:55AM (EST)
I was quite upset about my co-worker and Anna's views and finished up talking to John – he is still in the house, mainly I think because he wants to keep close to our daughter – but since New Year he seems to be seeing a lot of Annette (both in terms of her body and amounts of time). John was totally sympathetic for the girl and commented that it was unfortunate how the vulnerable were so often exploited. As for Anna, John was very cautious but pointed out that she had not received the same style of education as us with an encouragement of tolerance - that along with the challenges of her life gave her a very different view on life.
I said I needed to teach her tolerance and he said that you cannot change people to what you want – but I am hopeful that Anna’s sweet nature will help her develop tolerance as she settles into a loving relationship.
Monday 7 January 2008 - 07:55AM (EST)
We can say no
I had a conversation yesterday that really upset me. It was with one of the girls I work with – she is a little quiet but very nice – she was clearly upset and so I asked what was wrong. She told me she had made friends with one of the guys who comes to our place sometimes and had met him “as a friend” outside. She had got to trust him and thought he really wanted to help – she has a young daughter back home and works to send her family money to care for her child – she really wants to quit and hopes to meet a nice man who understands.
Last week, she agreed to go back to his place for a cup of coffee. He started making moves on her but she was tired and said no. Then he got angry and said that she fucked men all the time and was a little slut, so she should put out now. Then he grabbed her pushed her on to his couch and raped her. After that, he said sorry but that she should have let him fuck her because that’s what she did all the time. He gave her $100 and told her that he was tired and she should go home. She was so angry that she threw the money at him and then left.
She didn’t even consider going to the police because she was a prostitute and had no proof – she thought the police might give her more trouble. What upset me most was when she said that maybe she should have let him fuck her because she was a whore and maybe he was right and then asked me if she should see him again, because he might help her – I told her a guy like that never helps anyone other than himself.
I guess what I want to say, is that it is possible to rape a prostitute – we can say no and when we do, we have the right to be left alone. Too many people think because we fuck for money, we fuck all the time. When you force us, it can be really damaging to us – my co-worker has lost even more of her already small self-respect – she has never been comfortable working and has always been ashamed. Now she says that she thinks that all she is good for is fucking and says she cannot think of facing her daughter.
Friday 4 January 2008 - 08:03AM (EST)
Last week, she agreed to go back to his place for a cup of coffee. He started making moves on her but she was tired and said no. Then he got angry and said that she fucked men all the time and was a little slut, so she should put out now. Then he grabbed her pushed her on to his couch and raped her. After that, he said sorry but that she should have let him fuck her because that’s what she did all the time. He gave her $100 and told her that he was tired and she should go home. She was so angry that she threw the money at him and then left.
She didn’t even consider going to the police because she was a prostitute and had no proof – she thought the police might give her more trouble. What upset me most was when she said that maybe she should have let him fuck her because she was a whore and maybe he was right and then asked me if she should see him again, because he might help her – I told her a guy like that never helps anyone other than himself.
I guess what I want to say, is that it is possible to rape a prostitute – we can say no and when we do, we have the right to be left alone. Too many people think because we fuck for money, we fuck all the time. When you force us, it can be really damaging to us – my co-worker has lost even more of her already small self-respect – she has never been comfortable working and has always been ashamed. Now she says that she thinks that all she is good for is fucking and says she cannot think of facing her daughter.
Friday 4 January 2008 - 08:03AM (EST)
New Year
Hope everyone enjoyed the New Year. John offered to look after our daughter for the night. So, I watched the fireworks with Anna – we were a bit late to get a good view – Circular Quay and Lady Macquarie’s chair were already closed off. We got to the Rocks but it was very crowded and our view limited – but it great for us to have a chance to be together. We finished up partying on Oxford St and got home about 4am.
Sue and Lisa had dropped around in the evening to see John – they are avoiding me at the moment – and they brought another friend of ours, Annette, who it seems has just broken off with her gf. After Sue and Lisa left, Annette stayed on to “keep John company” and it seems her pussy kept his cock company too. I guess I can’t complain – just a bit surprised that Sue and Lisa are so focussed on John’s welfare that they are already match-making for him.
Anna and I were really tired and slept late. In the afternoon, I took my daughter out for a swim at the local pool - she still doesn’t seem to get on well with Anna, so it was just the two of us.
Back to work yesterday - but very quiet - only two customers.
It was a good New Year spending time with the ones I love.
Thursday 3 January 2008 - 06:26AM (EST)
Sue and Lisa had dropped around in the evening to see John – they are avoiding me at the moment – and they brought another friend of ours, Annette, who it seems has just broken off with her gf. After Sue and Lisa left, Annette stayed on to “keep John company” and it seems her pussy kept his cock company too. I guess I can’t complain – just a bit surprised that Sue and Lisa are so focussed on John’s welfare that they are already match-making for him.
Anna and I were really tired and slept late. In the afternoon, I took my daughter out for a swim at the local pool - she still doesn’t seem to get on well with Anna, so it was just the two of us.
Back to work yesterday - but very quiet - only two customers.
It was a good New Year spending time with the ones I love.
Thursday 3 January 2008 - 06:26AM (EST)
BJ Bars, Ladyboys and Go Go Dancers
One of the interesting parts of pillow talk with Anna is hearing her talk about her life – she grew up in the Lao area of Thailand and came to Bangkok to finish up working as a bar girl when she was 17. It sounds quite different from the way I have worked – she would be bought out of the bar using a bar fine and go to the hotels of men sometimes for a “short-time” but sometimes she would spend days with them almost like a girlfriend. It sounds much less structured than the brothel work I am used to.
She also worked at a place where they did live-shows and she did a lesbian show which is where she learnt how to be so good at it, I guess.
She worked in Patpong and a place called Nana (which for some reason always makes me think of my daughter who used to eat na-nas but now says all the time “I don’t eat nana” very firmly when offered them.)
It is interesting to hear Anna's views on the different types of “girls”. It sounds like the highest rank is the bargirl – some dance and some just talk to the men, as I understand it – sometimes it is a little hard to understand Anna on this. They get the guys to buy them drinks and receive a part of the payment, then try to go out with the guys to fuck and get them to give tips.
There are three other types she has mentioned: the massage parlour girls, the blow job bar girls who are considered the lowest and the ladyboys who Anna calls “gar –toys”.
I am sometimes a bit surprised by Anna’s prejudices and her contempt for ladyboys is too strong. According to her they are all thieves and they hang around Patpong after hours luring men and surprising them with their cocks.
She is quite dismissive of massage parlour girls who work in parlours and are not free to fuck who they want – a bit more like our work here. However, the girls she seems most down on are the blow job bargirls. As I understand it, the men go to the blow job bars and the girls suck them off under the table – Anna tells me they are the lowest girls – I have a feeling that is the kind of girl I would be if I worked in Thailand but I don’t say that to Anna.
Thursday 27 December 2007 - 02:48PM (EST)
She also worked at a place where they did live-shows and she did a lesbian show which is where she learnt how to be so good at it, I guess.
She worked in Patpong and a place called Nana (which for some reason always makes me think of my daughter who used to eat na-nas but now says all the time “I don’t eat nana” very firmly when offered them.)
It is interesting to hear Anna's views on the different types of “girls”. It sounds like the highest rank is the bargirl – some dance and some just talk to the men, as I understand it – sometimes it is a little hard to understand Anna on this. They get the guys to buy them drinks and receive a part of the payment, then try to go out with the guys to fuck and get them to give tips.
There are three other types she has mentioned: the massage parlour girls, the blow job bar girls who are considered the lowest and the ladyboys who Anna calls “gar –toys”.
I am sometimes a bit surprised by Anna’s prejudices and her contempt for ladyboys is too strong. According to her they are all thieves and they hang around Patpong after hours luring men and surprising them with their cocks.
She is quite dismissive of massage parlour girls who work in parlours and are not free to fuck who they want – a bit more like our work here. However, the girls she seems most down on are the blow job bargirls. As I understand it, the men go to the blow job bars and the girls suck them off under the table – Anna tells me they are the lowest girls – I have a feeling that is the kind of girl I would be if I worked in Thailand but I don’t say that to Anna.
Thursday 27 December 2007 - 02:48PM (EST)
Christmas Greetings
Just wishing anyone who reads my blog a merry Christmas period and whether it is a religious time for you, a period that you don't enjoy or celebrate or, as for me, a period of family (and presents!), may you and all your family have a very happy and enjoyable time.
For me, John and I have agreed to ignore all differences and focus on giving our little daughter a really enjoyable day on the first Christmas that she really understands - she was a little young last year at two years old to take it all in. So I guess my Christmas will be a happy one.
Monday 24 December 2007 - 06:25AM (EST)
For me, John and I have agreed to ignore all differences and focus on giving our little daughter a really enjoyable day on the first Christmas that she really understands - she was a little young last year at two years old to take it all in. So I guess my Christmas will be a happy one.
Monday 24 December 2007 - 06:25AM (EST)
An Older Client
Recently I had a different client. She was an older woman – in her fifties, white and looking for a young Asian girl to become her lover. She came to our brothel and asked to meet the girls. There were five girls working but two girls refused saying they don’t do women – Anna and I could hardly say that since they all know we’re doing each other. She chose me and we went to the room and asked her what she wanted – she said she wanted to play with me and so I stripped down – then took her into the shower washed her carefully and erotically – the way Anna and I do together.
Then we went to bed and kissed and I licked her and she played with me – it was o.k. sex but not even half as exciting as with Anna. After a while, she started asking me if I wanted to become her girlfriend – she would take me away from “this life” and having to fuck “those horrible men”. She was well-off and could care for me and look after me.
Well, I hope anyone who reads this blog already knows I am not looking for someone to look after me. So I told her I had a girlfriend and thanked her. Also I have to say her attitude to Asian was very patronising – she viewed me as a mindless cheap sex object – maybe she is right – and thought that all Asian girls were the same – and that is definitely wrong. Nothing new - I have heard these comments from white men so often. I guess what interested me was how, if it had been an older man, I wouldn’t have thought about it but when an older woman says these things and seeks a younger girl (or guy), it is regarded as a bit odd, Double standards?
Thursday 20 December 2007 - 07:37AM (EST)
Then we went to bed and kissed and I licked her and she played with me – it was o.k. sex but not even half as exciting as with Anna. After a while, she started asking me if I wanted to become her girlfriend – she would take me away from “this life” and having to fuck “those horrible men”. She was well-off and could care for me and look after me.
Well, I hope anyone who reads this blog already knows I am not looking for someone to look after me. So I told her I had a girlfriend and thanked her. Also I have to say her attitude to Asian was very patronising – she viewed me as a mindless cheap sex object – maybe she is right – and thought that all Asian girls were the same – and that is definitely wrong. Nothing new - I have heard these comments from white men so often. I guess what interested me was how, if it had been an older man, I wouldn’t have thought about it but when an older woman says these things and seeks a younger girl (or guy), it is regarded as a bit odd, Double standards?
Thursday 20 December 2007 - 07:37AM (EST)
She’s Moved In!
Well, Anna is here at my house. She’s moved into my bed. I woke up this morning with her pressed against me, our bodies still interlocked from where we left off after making love last night. As we woke up, we started again, kissing and touching, loving each other. So beautiful!
After making love again, I watched her crawl naked out of my bed to the ensuite shower and followed her in and we washed each other intimately and lovingly in the way only two girls can do.
The only downside – and a big one – is that my daughter is snubbing me. Three year olds pick up a lot more than you think! When Anna and me came out this morning from our room, John was giving my daughter breakfast. He said hello to us but she just talked to Daddy. I kissed her and she pulled away. I asked John what he had said to her and he said he had said nothing – who knows? she has always favoured Daddy a bit. Anyway, she’ll have to get over it – Anna is staying.
When Anna arrived last night, I was quite surprised how little she had – just one bag of clothes and all her make-up etc. No books but a few CDs and tapes (all Thai pop) and some pictures of family. She said that when you move a lot, you can’t keep things. I would hate to think how much stuff I have.
It is just so good to have Anna here!
Sunday 2 December 2007 - 05:10PM (EST)
After making love again, I watched her crawl naked out of my bed to the ensuite shower and followed her in and we washed each other intimately and lovingly in the way only two girls can do.
The only downside – and a big one – is that my daughter is snubbing me. Three year olds pick up a lot more than you think! When Anna and me came out this morning from our room, John was giving my daughter breakfast. He said hello to us but she just talked to Daddy. I kissed her and she pulled away. I asked John what he had said to her and he said he had said nothing – who knows? she has always favoured Daddy a bit. Anyway, she’ll have to get over it – Anna is staying.
When Anna arrived last night, I was quite surprised how little she had – just one bag of clothes and all her make-up etc. No books but a few CDs and tapes (all Thai pop) and some pictures of family. She said that when you move a lot, you can’t keep things. I would hate to think how much stuff I have.
It is just so good to have Anna here!
Sunday 2 December 2007 - 05:10PM (EST)
Anna
Well now I have taken the step. I have told John that I want Anna to move in with us. I said that I wanted to be with her but Anna and I agree if John wishes to stay he is welcome. If he leaves, I will not let him take our daughter. I hope he stays since it will be good for our daughter to have him around. They are very close.
But I love Anna. We are doing everything together now from shopping to working. When we kiss, my body is electric. It is not just sexual – we can talk and play together. When I walk down the street with her hand in hand, I want to show everyone we are lovers.
Saturday 1 December 2007 - 05:17PM (EST)
But I love Anna. We are doing everything together now from shopping to working. When we kiss, my body is electric. It is not just sexual – we can talk and play together. When I walk down the street with her hand in hand, I want to show everyone we are lovers.
Saturday 1 December 2007 - 05:17PM (EST)
Lesbian doubles
Recently I have had quite a few conversations with clients and with internet friends about doubles – is there something in the air that makes them more in fashion?. I have always enjoyed them but I am finding them increasingly the best part of my job – especially with my new friend, Anna.
A lot of girls don’t like doubles. They feel uncomfortable about seeing another girl being fucked or being watched as they suck or ride a cock. For me being in front of a girl or guy who is watching me has always been a turn-on, since I can play slut to an audience but I have been less interested watching. But in a recent session with Anna, I was watching her suck a cock and when I saw her beautiful face with the mouth wrapped around the cock, it was a big turn-on.
Also a lot of doubles are all man fucks one girl then the other or we take turns sucking – I have always preferred lesbian doubles where I touch the other girl and often we have sex in front of the man. A lot of the girls hate this – they really do not like being touched and licked by another girl. I find very few girls can be comfortable with touching and even fewer can lick my pussy well. Anna is great at this and it is so great working with her - she can turn from sucking a cock to kissing and licking me at the drop of a hat - and she does it with the same amount of excitement as me!
Friday 23 November 2007 - 06:41AM (EST)
A lot of girls don’t like doubles. They feel uncomfortable about seeing another girl being fucked or being watched as they suck or ride a cock. For me being in front of a girl or guy who is watching me has always been a turn-on, since I can play slut to an audience but I have been less interested watching. But in a recent session with Anna, I was watching her suck a cock and when I saw her beautiful face with the mouth wrapped around the cock, it was a big turn-on.
Also a lot of doubles are all man fucks one girl then the other or we take turns sucking – I have always preferred lesbian doubles where I touch the other girl and often we have sex in front of the man. A lot of the girls hate this – they really do not like being touched and licked by another girl. I find very few girls can be comfortable with touching and even fewer can lick my pussy well. Anna is great at this and it is so great working with her - she can turn from sucking a cock to kissing and licking me at the drop of a hat - and she does it with the same amount of excitement as me!
Friday 23 November 2007 - 06:41AM (EST)
A letter
I am putting into my blog almost all of a letter from John to me. It is private and I thought about it and discussed with John before putting it up. He is a bit uncomfortable because he aimed it at me but said ok. I have only changed it a bit to remove anything that could identify us, e.g. I have put “Grace” when he wrote my name and “our daughter” when he uses her. I dropped one phrase that was too personal. I really appreciate his trying to talk frankly about his desires since he finds it so hard to do so. Typing up the letter forced me to read and think about everything he said. I have put it up on my blog to show the problems of maintaining a relationship as a working girl.
My darling Grace,
I feel I am losing you and that frightens me. This letter is my attempt to reach out and grab you back. I am not going to let go of you without trying everything I can.
Why am I writing to you and not just saying this? After all we live together, eat together and sleep together. I write because sometimes the spoken word is not enough. Also, after recent issues between us, I want to state my case in a measured way, addressing your concerns and trying to answer your questions. I often feel shy or embarrassed to say things and in writing I can find courage.
Moreover, I want to write you a love letter – I am not good at saying the most polished and smooth words nor am I overwhelmingly romantic but I do love you so deeply and I hope if or when you read this letter, you will feel how much love was involved in its writing. You always tease me that I say I want to make love to you and not that I want to fuck you – but I say it that way because it is love and not just fucking. Your clients fuck you but I make love to you as well.
There are many things I need to talk to you about. Let me suggest a few:
How do I feel about your working?
If you work, how if affects our daughter and how do we protect her?
How do I feel about your relationship with women (Sue, Jane and Anna)?
What do I really think about you?
What I am looking for from our relationship?
What is our future if we stay together?
I’m sorry if setting out an agenda sounds too formal, but, my darling Grace, I need to be sure that I get my message to you. This discussion is initiated by my love for you but I need to address the issues and not avoid issues as I am prone to do.
How do I feel about your working?
Let me start with the moral question – as we have discussed many times, I have never been able to understand why having sex with lots of people makes you a worse person – provided it is not exploitative. Why does it matter that you have had sex with over 5000 different men whereas some women have only one or zero? You treat people well and you are soft and loving – that is important morally and it is not morally important that you are “a hot little fuck bunny” as you so often call yourself – although I do enjoy that side of you. As long as you are comfortable with your sexuality, given that you re honest about what you are doing, I cannot see a moral objection.
I know I should be jealous that other men fuck you but I have much more complicated feelings. As we have often discussed, I find the idea of being with “promiscuous” women sexually exciting. I am turned on by thinking that my sex partners are experienced and happy to open their legs to men. As you know, I have always been very attracted to prostitutes. Probably, it is perverted but it is the truth.
Sometimes when you come home from work, keyed up and tell me how many men you have just fucked and you reach out and start playing with me, I feel as if I could lose control and push you down on the bed and just use you there and then without any thought of you as anything other than a sex object. Then, you reach out for my cock and start sucking me – it is like paradise, watching your head bobbing up and down as my cock penetrates your beautiful face. I don’t know how many times I’ve cum in your mouth but it is still one of my greatest pleasures. God, Grace, you drive me crazy. I am turned when I think just how sexually hot you are.
I could write a lot more about how great it is to have sex with you - especially when you are at your most slutty - but that is not really the question here except in that it helps me explain a bit of why your working turns me on. But, Grace, I do value you way above just the fucking. That is why I never let go completely and even at the heat of the moment, I never forget who I am fucking.
Do I get jealous? A bit, yes. I would be dreadfully jealous if I thought you were emotionally attached to a client and sometimes when you talk too much about one guy, I feel nervous. But even if you worked in an office with all your clothes on, there would be guys who would make me jealous. I am well aware that I am not the most attractive man, but I will not keep you by holding fast. I must give you slack to develop as you choose.
But your working is not about my sexual satisfaction. You seem to thrive on it. Is it the attention and reassurance? Is it the thumbing your nose at conventions? Is it the excitement of displaying yourself in front of men? Is it living out the role of a slut? Is it the sex? Probably a bit of all of them. You would know better than me but I do see how you almost glow when you have been working. I remember after your gangbang trip to the US, how sexually charged you were and, even though you were exhausted after your plane trip back, how you almost jumped me at the airport and we spent the day fucking like animals (and in this case it was fucking not making love) until you collapsed in a heap and slept for 16 hours. It is your sheer enjoyment of sexuality that makes me realise that I am not enough for you and that it is not just my selfishness that keeps you working.
I do worry how sustainable this life is and what happens when changes need to come. I want to be there for you then and I always try to talk to you about both the future and the present. But this letter is really focussed on the present because I know that if I do not win your present time then I will miss out on sharing our futures.
As always, I need to repeat the thing that prevents me wholeheartedly supporting your working and causes the most anxiety for me. It is your safety – and yes, Grace, that is fundamental. I have said this to you so many times that I sound like a broken record but I must emphasise it again. Your safety and health are my biggest concerns. You have had a few problems with your clients already – I always pray that they are the worst you experience. I worry about you always and I am very much concerned that you are safe.
The health I talk about is not just physical but also emotional. Too often I hear you call yourself a stupid whore. You are not stupid and you are much more than a whore. I know you quite like being a whore as a role and I am easy with you playing this role as long as it is not your real self image. However too often I sense your vulnerability and self doubt. We discuss this endlessly but Grace you really need to believe in yourself and value yourself even half as much as I do.
I know I frustrate you by never telling you to quit or to continue working but Grace there is a reason. Ultimately it is not my decision. If I was 100% convinced that working was the worst thing for you believe me I would tell you to quit but at this stage, I say work if you wish to and stop if you are not enjoying.
If you work, how if affects our daughter and how do we protect her?
This is the hardest question. I know that it has been the focus of so many of our recent arguments but I am surprised we argue so much when we almost agree.
At 3 years, she does not understand but we need to ensure that any carers involved in her life either do not know or, if they do, can completely separate her needs from their value judgements.
It is to your credit that you have so thoroughly separated your work from your outside life (with the exception of your few friends like Sue & Lisa and Jane). It is a protection for our daughter. I really appreciate the care you take to manage everything to keep this separation, including making sure you look different when you work – that time I visited your brothel as a “client”, I almost didn’t recognise you when you were shown to me. So, I feel the risks of running accidentally into clients are mitigated.
I guess my point is that, if you wish to continue working, we must be careful to be discreet. But, you cannot give up everything to protect our daughter. Should we prevent Sue and Lisa from seeing her since they are prostitutes? Do we also want to protect her from a “lesbian lifestyle”? How much can we ptotect her and how much should we completely adjust our lives to this end? We can cut out everything if we are not careful.
As I have said any number of times, I do not want you feeling you were forced out of working –that creates resentment. I want you to move on when you are ready.
How do I feel about your relationship with women (Sue, Jane, Linda and Anna)?
I have felt for a long time that your relationships with women are becoming more and more of a focus of your life. You used to say you were bi but liked men better. Now I wonder if it has not changed. Maybe you are saturated by the number of men you meet. Maybe you are just realising your true desires in the way Sue did when she came out.
I am much more concerned about losing you to a woman than to a man not because it is worse to lose you to a woman – it is a disaster to me if I lose you! - but because I sense your interest in them is deeper. There are four women in your life at this stage with whom I know you are very close and with whom you have or have had serious sexual relations: Sue, Jane, Annette and Anna but maybe I am missing the Ms Right of your life?
Although my view is probably irrelevant, I will give it. Obviously I am biased.
I like Sue – she is straight with me and has always been so. I know if Lisa was not about, she would be the most serious threat – you are right to like her a lot and given your long relationship with all its ups and downs, maybe it would have worked. But Lisa is there and the more I get to see the two together, the more I think you are very wrong about them – Lisa is really good for Sue and I believe that they care for each other very deeply. I understand your initial concerns and Lisa admitted to me that she did originally consider getting into Australia and getting PR was a factor at first, but she made it very clear she is deeply in love with Sue. Lisa has also been very instrumental in mending fences and getting Sue to talk to you again recently. So, I hope you will accept them as a couple in your heart.
I am relaxed about Jane as a threat – I know she is a user of people but you know that also. I do not feel you are serious about her. I still think I was right not to fuck her – our relationship is far too valuable to play silly games.
Annette is a nice girl but still very flighty – she is very young and I am not so sure she is really gay even though she and Lin have been together for a few years now. So be careful there if you get too involved with her.
Now to Anna…I haven’t missed the hints you have dropped. It’s only been a month since you met her and already she is very close to you – maybe it is jealousy on my part but I do not trust her and this letter is at least partly driven by my worry that she is becoming a risk to our relationship – I know you get restless sometimes, I know you are attracted to her – when you invited her to our place, I watched you and saw how you kissed her a little longer than just a friend and you sat cuddled up with her. Yes, she is very sexy. You say she is great to work with – you enjoy doing lesbian doubles with her - and, yes, I was very tempted by your offer- but I am always careful about “sleeping with the enemy”.
Maybe Anna is good for you but be careful - I don’t want you to get hurt – please, get to know her well. I was worried enough when I read the blog entry on Jane and you said you were considering her offer – it made me feel you are looking to move on. I am even more worried when I hear you talk so much about Anna. I know I cannot hold you if you decide she is right for you – but please consider.
What do I really think about you?
Clearly my first feeling for you is love. But not far behind is respect. I never take you for granted.
My love is not blind – you are not perfect but you are a lot better than you think yourself. I know you are a restless person, easily bored when things stand still and with a tendency to the stir the pot. You often ask me why so many things happen in your life – it is because you make them happen.
I think I am exceptionally lucky that you have stayed with me so long. You are young, beautiful, sexy and clever. I am middle-aged with a bulging stomach and I am nothing much to look at. I am not stupid, I guess, but is that really enough to satisfy you?
One question, you keep asking is whether I was upset that you did not tell me about your rape for so long. Yes, I understand why you did not tell but I guess it was a little sad for me that you did not know how much I want to support you at a time like that and thought that I might do anything other than help you recover from the horror. I am so glad that Sue helped you so much at that time and my feelings towards her are always positively coloured by this. It has never made me think any less of you but it has made me wonder about my ability to support you – I knew there was something wrong but never understood until too late. I am sorry, Grace, if I failed you.
What I am looking for from our relationship?
Put simply, the pleasure of your company for as long as I can share it.
What is our future if we stay together?
I hope that if we stay together, we can have a long and happy time together. I believe we can build our family and develop ourselves. You have many years ahead of you and much to experience. My love for you forms a strong base to our future. We have many places to go and people to meet. We have a daughter who will grow up with us and for whose growth is something we can delight in together.
We will have moments of disagreement – let’s be realistic. There will always be chances for you to take new directions – you will never be chained (except of course in our b&d play). I believe we can have lots of fun together - both in and out of the bedroom. We can share our lives and our experiences and enjoy our time together.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally, although not on my earlier agenda, I will extend the statements about the positive aspects of our potential future and finish with a statement of what I believe I offer to you. This is my case for why you might stay with me. I have tried through the rest of the letter to be realistic and not promote myself. But let me finish on a positive note - after all this is a letter with a clear and constant motive, namely to encourage you to stay.
Stability – I believe I am a steady person who gives a solid base for you to be yourself without the ground being removed from underneath you.
Love – need I say more? Support and understanding –I believe I have always been there for you – I helped you face …omitted… and also throughout your other less serious issues.
Family – our own relationship already extends over 7 years and we share the company of a beautiful daughter whom we both want to see grow and blossom.
Respect – I have a deep respect for you and see your true value without vacuous judgemental views.
Grace, you and our daughter are the centre of my world. I believe you are the most beautiful, the cleverest and the most sexual woman I could ever hope to meet. When I look at you lying next to me at night or when I hold you or when I make love with you – or fuck you, if you prefer, it is the best part of my life.
I have always said that you are totally free to leave at any time and I am not missing your hints but, Grace, please think carefully about the good things in our relationship before you decide,
With all my love,
Your devoted husband,
John
Friday 16 November 2007 - 04:34PM (EST)
My darling Grace,
I feel I am losing you and that frightens me. This letter is my attempt to reach out and grab you back. I am not going to let go of you without trying everything I can.
Why am I writing to you and not just saying this? After all we live together, eat together and sleep together. I write because sometimes the spoken word is not enough. Also, after recent issues between us, I want to state my case in a measured way, addressing your concerns and trying to answer your questions. I often feel shy or embarrassed to say things and in writing I can find courage.
Moreover, I want to write you a love letter – I am not good at saying the most polished and smooth words nor am I overwhelmingly romantic but I do love you so deeply and I hope if or when you read this letter, you will feel how much love was involved in its writing. You always tease me that I say I want to make love to you and not that I want to fuck you – but I say it that way because it is love and not just fucking. Your clients fuck you but I make love to you as well.
There are many things I need to talk to you about. Let me suggest a few:
How do I feel about your working?
If you work, how if affects our daughter and how do we protect her?
How do I feel about your relationship with women (Sue, Jane and Anna)?
What do I really think about you?
What I am looking for from our relationship?
What is our future if we stay together?
I’m sorry if setting out an agenda sounds too formal, but, my darling Grace, I need to be sure that I get my message to you. This discussion is initiated by my love for you but I need to address the issues and not avoid issues as I am prone to do.
How do I feel about your working?
Let me start with the moral question – as we have discussed many times, I have never been able to understand why having sex with lots of people makes you a worse person – provided it is not exploitative. Why does it matter that you have had sex with over 5000 different men whereas some women have only one or zero? You treat people well and you are soft and loving – that is important morally and it is not morally important that you are “a hot little fuck bunny” as you so often call yourself – although I do enjoy that side of you. As long as you are comfortable with your sexuality, given that you re honest about what you are doing, I cannot see a moral objection.
I know I should be jealous that other men fuck you but I have much more complicated feelings. As we have often discussed, I find the idea of being with “promiscuous” women sexually exciting. I am turned on by thinking that my sex partners are experienced and happy to open their legs to men. As you know, I have always been very attracted to prostitutes. Probably, it is perverted but it is the truth.
Sometimes when you come home from work, keyed up and tell me how many men you have just fucked and you reach out and start playing with me, I feel as if I could lose control and push you down on the bed and just use you there and then without any thought of you as anything other than a sex object. Then, you reach out for my cock and start sucking me – it is like paradise, watching your head bobbing up and down as my cock penetrates your beautiful face. I don’t know how many times I’ve cum in your mouth but it is still one of my greatest pleasures. God, Grace, you drive me crazy. I am turned when I think just how sexually hot you are.
I could write a lot more about how great it is to have sex with you - especially when you are at your most slutty - but that is not really the question here except in that it helps me explain a bit of why your working turns me on. But, Grace, I do value you way above just the fucking. That is why I never let go completely and even at the heat of the moment, I never forget who I am fucking.
Do I get jealous? A bit, yes. I would be dreadfully jealous if I thought you were emotionally attached to a client and sometimes when you talk too much about one guy, I feel nervous. But even if you worked in an office with all your clothes on, there would be guys who would make me jealous. I am well aware that I am not the most attractive man, but I will not keep you by holding fast. I must give you slack to develop as you choose.
But your working is not about my sexual satisfaction. You seem to thrive on it. Is it the attention and reassurance? Is it the thumbing your nose at conventions? Is it the excitement of displaying yourself in front of men? Is it living out the role of a slut? Is it the sex? Probably a bit of all of them. You would know better than me but I do see how you almost glow when you have been working. I remember after your gangbang trip to the US, how sexually charged you were and, even though you were exhausted after your plane trip back, how you almost jumped me at the airport and we spent the day fucking like animals (and in this case it was fucking not making love) until you collapsed in a heap and slept for 16 hours. It is your sheer enjoyment of sexuality that makes me realise that I am not enough for you and that it is not just my selfishness that keeps you working.
I do worry how sustainable this life is and what happens when changes need to come. I want to be there for you then and I always try to talk to you about both the future and the present. But this letter is really focussed on the present because I know that if I do not win your present time then I will miss out on sharing our futures.
As always, I need to repeat the thing that prevents me wholeheartedly supporting your working and causes the most anxiety for me. It is your safety – and yes, Grace, that is fundamental. I have said this to you so many times that I sound like a broken record but I must emphasise it again. Your safety and health are my biggest concerns. You have had a few problems with your clients already – I always pray that they are the worst you experience. I worry about you always and I am very much concerned that you are safe.
The health I talk about is not just physical but also emotional. Too often I hear you call yourself a stupid whore. You are not stupid and you are much more than a whore. I know you quite like being a whore as a role and I am easy with you playing this role as long as it is not your real self image. However too often I sense your vulnerability and self doubt. We discuss this endlessly but Grace you really need to believe in yourself and value yourself even half as much as I do.
I know I frustrate you by never telling you to quit or to continue working but Grace there is a reason. Ultimately it is not my decision. If I was 100% convinced that working was the worst thing for you believe me I would tell you to quit but at this stage, I say work if you wish to and stop if you are not enjoying.
If you work, how if affects our daughter and how do we protect her?
This is the hardest question. I know that it has been the focus of so many of our recent arguments but I am surprised we argue so much when we almost agree.
At 3 years, she does not understand but we need to ensure that any carers involved in her life either do not know or, if they do, can completely separate her needs from their value judgements.
It is to your credit that you have so thoroughly separated your work from your outside life (with the exception of your few friends like Sue & Lisa and Jane). It is a protection for our daughter. I really appreciate the care you take to manage everything to keep this separation, including making sure you look different when you work – that time I visited your brothel as a “client”, I almost didn’t recognise you when you were shown to me. So, I feel the risks of running accidentally into clients are mitigated.
I guess my point is that, if you wish to continue working, we must be careful to be discreet. But, you cannot give up everything to protect our daughter. Should we prevent Sue and Lisa from seeing her since they are prostitutes? Do we also want to protect her from a “lesbian lifestyle”? How much can we ptotect her and how much should we completely adjust our lives to this end? We can cut out everything if we are not careful.
As I have said any number of times, I do not want you feeling you were forced out of working –that creates resentment. I want you to move on when you are ready.
How do I feel about your relationship with women (Sue, Jane, Linda and Anna)?
I have felt for a long time that your relationships with women are becoming more and more of a focus of your life. You used to say you were bi but liked men better. Now I wonder if it has not changed. Maybe you are saturated by the number of men you meet. Maybe you are just realising your true desires in the way Sue did when she came out.
I am much more concerned about losing you to a woman than to a man not because it is worse to lose you to a woman – it is a disaster to me if I lose you! - but because I sense your interest in them is deeper. There are four women in your life at this stage with whom I know you are very close and with whom you have or have had serious sexual relations: Sue, Jane, Annette and Anna but maybe I am missing the Ms Right of your life?
Although my view is probably irrelevant, I will give it. Obviously I am biased.
I like Sue – she is straight with me and has always been so. I know if Lisa was not about, she would be the most serious threat – you are right to like her a lot and given your long relationship with all its ups and downs, maybe it would have worked. But Lisa is there and the more I get to see the two together, the more I think you are very wrong about them – Lisa is really good for Sue and I believe that they care for each other very deeply. I understand your initial concerns and Lisa admitted to me that she did originally consider getting into Australia and getting PR was a factor at first, but she made it very clear she is deeply in love with Sue. Lisa has also been very instrumental in mending fences and getting Sue to talk to you again recently. So, I hope you will accept them as a couple in your heart.
I am relaxed about Jane as a threat – I know she is a user of people but you know that also. I do not feel you are serious about her. I still think I was right not to fuck her – our relationship is far too valuable to play silly games.
Annette is a nice girl but still very flighty – she is very young and I am not so sure she is really gay even though she and Lin have been together for a few years now. So be careful there if you get too involved with her.
Now to Anna…I haven’t missed the hints you have dropped. It’s only been a month since you met her and already she is very close to you – maybe it is jealousy on my part but I do not trust her and this letter is at least partly driven by my worry that she is becoming a risk to our relationship – I know you get restless sometimes, I know you are attracted to her – when you invited her to our place, I watched you and saw how you kissed her a little longer than just a friend and you sat cuddled up with her. Yes, she is very sexy. You say she is great to work with – you enjoy doing lesbian doubles with her - and, yes, I was very tempted by your offer- but I am always careful about “sleeping with the enemy”.
Maybe Anna is good for you but be careful - I don’t want you to get hurt – please, get to know her well. I was worried enough when I read the blog entry on Jane and you said you were considering her offer – it made me feel you are looking to move on. I am even more worried when I hear you talk so much about Anna. I know I cannot hold you if you decide she is right for you – but please consider.
What do I really think about you?
Clearly my first feeling for you is love. But not far behind is respect. I never take you for granted.
My love is not blind – you are not perfect but you are a lot better than you think yourself. I know you are a restless person, easily bored when things stand still and with a tendency to the stir the pot. You often ask me why so many things happen in your life – it is because you make them happen.
I think I am exceptionally lucky that you have stayed with me so long. You are young, beautiful, sexy and clever. I am middle-aged with a bulging stomach and I am nothing much to look at. I am not stupid, I guess, but is that really enough to satisfy you?
One question, you keep asking is whether I was upset that you did not tell me about your rape for so long. Yes, I understand why you did not tell but I guess it was a little sad for me that you did not know how much I want to support you at a time like that and thought that I might do anything other than help you recover from the horror. I am so glad that Sue helped you so much at that time and my feelings towards her are always positively coloured by this. It has never made me think any less of you but it has made me wonder about my ability to support you – I knew there was something wrong but never understood until too late. I am sorry, Grace, if I failed you.
What I am looking for from our relationship?
Put simply, the pleasure of your company for as long as I can share it.
What is our future if we stay together?
I hope that if we stay together, we can have a long and happy time together. I believe we can build our family and develop ourselves. You have many years ahead of you and much to experience. My love for you forms a strong base to our future. We have many places to go and people to meet. We have a daughter who will grow up with us and for whose growth is something we can delight in together.
We will have moments of disagreement – let’s be realistic. There will always be chances for you to take new directions – you will never be chained (except of course in our b&d play). I believe we can have lots of fun together - both in and out of the bedroom. We can share our lives and our experiences and enjoy our time together.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally, although not on my earlier agenda, I will extend the statements about the positive aspects of our potential future and finish with a statement of what I believe I offer to you. This is my case for why you might stay with me. I have tried through the rest of the letter to be realistic and not promote myself. But let me finish on a positive note - after all this is a letter with a clear and constant motive, namely to encourage you to stay.
Stability – I believe I am a steady person who gives a solid base for you to be yourself without the ground being removed from underneath you.
Love – need I say more? Support and understanding –I believe I have always been there for you – I helped you face …omitted… and also throughout your other less serious issues.
Family – our own relationship already extends over 7 years and we share the company of a beautiful daughter whom we both want to see grow and blossom.
Respect – I have a deep respect for you and see your true value without vacuous judgemental views.
Grace, you and our daughter are the centre of my world. I believe you are the most beautiful, the cleverest and the most sexual woman I could ever hope to meet. When I look at you lying next to me at night or when I hold you or when I make love with you – or fuck you, if you prefer, it is the best part of my life.
I have always said that you are totally free to leave at any time and I am not missing your hints but, Grace, please think carefully about the good things in our relationship before you decide,
With all my love,
Your devoted husband,
John
Friday 16 November 2007 - 04:34PM (EST)
Friday, June 19, 2009
Would I recommend my job to another woman?
In my blog, I have been going through a lot of questions that I get asked. One question that has been on my mind is what would I tell another girl if she wanted to start working? First off, I would tell her, don’t do it. Hey, I know I always say that I like working, so why am I saying, “don’t work”? Is it because I don’t want competition?
Actually, the reason I say this is that I have seen too many girls chewed up by it. Many girls can’t cope with lots of men fucking them casually. A lot of girls become hardened or need a prop. I’ve talked of drugs before but some drink or get addicted to prescription medicines. A lot of the girls lose all confidence in themselves. A lot cannot cope with the disapproval of so many people.
I enjoy fucking and I am happy to be a whore but even for me, it can get too intense. So for these girls, it can trigger depression and worse. I knew one girl who overdosed on sleeping tablets (she was saved) and another who slit her wrists (she was not).
So if the girl insists, then what would I say? I actually had to think this through with a girl I met through a chat room about four years ago. She was a cute Aussie girl but very inexperienced. After I told her what I did for a living, she was fascinated and kept on asking to meet. She was very insecure about her lack of experience and cautious about exploring with the boys she knew. Finally, we actually met – against my better judgement. She wanted to learn and she pushed me to sleep with her and then she wanted a 3-some with me and John. We knew she was not experienced but she hadn’t told us that she was a virgin until after she lost her cherry with John.
After a few times together, she started saying she wanted to work – she was only 18 at the time and both John and me spent a lot of time trying to persuade her not to. But she insisted – she is still working – she has always worked high class brothels and so we never worked together. We are still friends but only catch up once every few months – especially after she started a relationship with a girl she had been to school with. But I guess the point is that I thought hard at that time about whether I should encourage another girl to work and what I would warn.
Before a girl starts working, she needs to answer at least the following – is she able to detach emotionally? Does she have a moral objection to the work? Can she face cleaning up after? Does she like (or at least not dislike) fucking? Is she aware of the dangers – physical and mental? (My husband’s major theme when he tries to argue against working.) Can you face rejection, insults and disapproval?
You have to be able to keep your own feelings down. You may or be repelled by or dislike a man and still have to let him push his cock into your mouth or cunt. Also, if you cannot face rejection and put-downs, you are lost – many guys will not select you or will only choose you once – it can be very ego deflating – especially when a guy says to you that your tits are too small, your cunt isn’t tight enough or that your face is ordinary. Often they talk to you about another girl who is “really hot”. I am lucky to have John who continually tells me how I am the sexiest girl in the world. I have seen girls come out of sessions in tears after a guy has said something insulting. Also a lot of guys get turned on by calling me a slut or a whore – I get turned on by it and regard it almost as a compliment but some girls get really upset.
If you have moral issues with whoring, don’t do it – you have to live with yourself and I’ve seen too many girls begin to hate themselves or at least lose all self respect. Others will treat you with contempt or as a strange object – so you’ve got to respect yourself.
Also it is not the safest job - there are crazy clients and, as we all should know, there are health concerns I don't want to focus on this but it is a fact..
One thing non-workers often do not think about is cleaning up. It can be a bigger issue than you think. Are you prepared to wash cum off your body, out of your hair, off your face? Are you ready to pull the condom off the guy and wipe him up- making sure not to spill? I like cum but a lot of girls are grossed out by it. Are you prepared to change the sheets and get the room ready for the next girl? (And some girls are really bad at this – I know from being the next to use!) Some of the biggest fights I have seen between girls have been about dirty rooms.
Finally, you can’t be a hooker and hate sex. It’ll destroy you quite quickly - I’ve seen it. A lot of girls are quite indifferent about sex. But enjoying it is by far the best and for girls who have a choice, I’d say don’t work unless you like fucking. Sue – even though she is lesbian – told me she tries to enjoy the cocks – that’s how she has lasted for over 10 years in the job. As you may have gathered, I love fucking but most girls are not quite so enthusiastic.
In the long run, the major motivation for working is of course money. It is often hard to give up working since you become addicted to the ready flow of cash. I might talk about this another time in my blog. Some girls love the money so much that they cope by counting the dollars as they spread their legs. Others like the attention from men as well – I am like that. Coping with it is different for every girl – one girl I know tells me she thinks of her new dresses each time she is being fucked – another said she thought of shoes and another thinks of her mortgage. Me? I have to be honest, I love money and what it buys but when I am working, I like to look in the mirror and see the cock going in and out and I think what a little slut I am.
Thursday 1 November 2007 - 12:10PM (EST)
Actually, the reason I say this is that I have seen too many girls chewed up by it. Many girls can’t cope with lots of men fucking them casually. A lot of girls become hardened or need a prop. I’ve talked of drugs before but some drink or get addicted to prescription medicines. A lot of the girls lose all confidence in themselves. A lot cannot cope with the disapproval of so many people.
I enjoy fucking and I am happy to be a whore but even for me, it can get too intense. So for these girls, it can trigger depression and worse. I knew one girl who overdosed on sleeping tablets (she was saved) and another who slit her wrists (she was not).
So if the girl insists, then what would I say? I actually had to think this through with a girl I met through a chat room about four years ago. She was a cute Aussie girl but very inexperienced. After I told her what I did for a living, she was fascinated and kept on asking to meet. She was very insecure about her lack of experience and cautious about exploring with the boys she knew. Finally, we actually met – against my better judgement. She wanted to learn and she pushed me to sleep with her and then she wanted a 3-some with me and John. We knew she was not experienced but she hadn’t told us that she was a virgin until after she lost her cherry with John.
After a few times together, she started saying she wanted to work – she was only 18 at the time and both John and me spent a lot of time trying to persuade her not to. But she insisted – she is still working – she has always worked high class brothels and so we never worked together. We are still friends but only catch up once every few months – especially after she started a relationship with a girl she had been to school with. But I guess the point is that I thought hard at that time about whether I should encourage another girl to work and what I would warn.
Before a girl starts working, she needs to answer at least the following – is she able to detach emotionally? Does she have a moral objection to the work? Can she face cleaning up after? Does she like (or at least not dislike) fucking? Is she aware of the dangers – physical and mental? (My husband’s major theme when he tries to argue against working.) Can you face rejection, insults and disapproval?
You have to be able to keep your own feelings down. You may or be repelled by or dislike a man and still have to let him push his cock into your mouth or cunt. Also, if you cannot face rejection and put-downs, you are lost – many guys will not select you or will only choose you once – it can be very ego deflating – especially when a guy says to you that your tits are too small, your cunt isn’t tight enough or that your face is ordinary. Often they talk to you about another girl who is “really hot”. I am lucky to have John who continually tells me how I am the sexiest girl in the world. I have seen girls come out of sessions in tears after a guy has said something insulting. Also a lot of guys get turned on by calling me a slut or a whore – I get turned on by it and regard it almost as a compliment but some girls get really upset.
If you have moral issues with whoring, don’t do it – you have to live with yourself and I’ve seen too many girls begin to hate themselves or at least lose all self respect. Others will treat you with contempt or as a strange object – so you’ve got to respect yourself.
Also it is not the safest job - there are crazy clients and, as we all should know, there are health concerns I don't want to focus on this but it is a fact..
One thing non-workers often do not think about is cleaning up. It can be a bigger issue than you think. Are you prepared to wash cum off your body, out of your hair, off your face? Are you ready to pull the condom off the guy and wipe him up- making sure not to spill? I like cum but a lot of girls are grossed out by it. Are you prepared to change the sheets and get the room ready for the next girl? (And some girls are really bad at this – I know from being the next to use!) Some of the biggest fights I have seen between girls have been about dirty rooms.
Finally, you can’t be a hooker and hate sex. It’ll destroy you quite quickly - I’ve seen it. A lot of girls are quite indifferent about sex. But enjoying it is by far the best and for girls who have a choice, I’d say don’t work unless you like fucking. Sue – even though she is lesbian – told me she tries to enjoy the cocks – that’s how she has lasted for over 10 years in the job. As you may have gathered, I love fucking but most girls are not quite so enthusiastic.
In the long run, the major motivation for working is of course money. It is often hard to give up working since you become addicted to the ready flow of cash. I might talk about this another time in my blog. Some girls love the money so much that they cope by counting the dollars as they spread their legs. Others like the attention from men as well – I am like that. Coping with it is different for every girl – one girl I know tells me she thinks of her new dresses each time she is being fucked – another said she thought of shoes and another thinks of her mortgage. Me? I have to be honest, I love money and what it buys but when I am working, I like to look in the mirror and see the cock going in and out and I think what a little slut I am.
Thursday 1 November 2007 - 12:10PM (EST)
Out she goes!
Well, Jane's stay is over. In a way it's almost funny. Even while she was telling me how much she loves me, she was telling John that she thought he was the best man on earth and, even though she usually liked women, she wanted to sleep with him. John told me immediately - with a side query why gay girls were the only ones who wanted him - Sue tried to get him before we were married , but, unlike Jane, she was honest about it and she was upfront with me. With Sue, it was a genuine attempt to find a committed straight relationship, I think, so she could be more "normal" as she felt at that time. The best thing Sue ever did for herself was come out completely and acknowledge she was totally gay and could only settle with a girl - she's been happier ever since. For Jane, the motivation is, I think, more that she thinks John might be useful. I would also comment that there have been enough straight girls interested in John (unfortunately for me) for me to regard his comment as a joke.
Anyway I gave Jane her marching orders and she begged forgiveness and asked to stay - but she left today - back to her husband who is not it seems violent but just rather nasty - the violent incident Jane referred to was I found out him throwing a pillow hard at her. Neither of us would have sent her back if we thought she was in any danger.
I told John he should have fucked her first and then told me but he said that she wasn't worth the risk of putting more stress on our relationship. Funny thing was when I mentioned it to Sue, she immediately said "Well, I hope he fucked her first". Great minds!
Poll in Yahoo:
Should John have fucked Jane?
Yes
6
No
1
Don't know
0
Wednesday 24 October 2007 - 07:01AM (EST)
Well, Jane's stay is over. In a way it's almost funny. Even while she was telling me how much she loves me, she was telling John that she thought he was the best man on earth and, even though she usually liked women, she wanted to sleep with him. John told me immediately - with a side query why gay girls were the only ones who wanted him - Sue tried to get him before we were married , but, unlike Jane, she was honest about it and she was upfront with me. With Sue, it was a genuine attempt to find a committed straight relationship, I think, so she could be more "normal" as she felt at that time. The best thing Sue ever did for herself was come out completely and acknowledge she was totally gay and could only settle with a girl - she's been happier ever since. For Jane, the motivation is, I think, more that she thinks John might be useful. I would also comment that there have been enough straight girls interested in John (unfortunately for me) for me to regard his comment as a joke.
Anyway I gave Jane her marching orders and she begged forgiveness and asked to stay - but she left today - back to her husband who is not it seems violent but just rather nasty - the violent incident Jane referred to was I found out him throwing a pillow hard at her. Neither of us would have sent her back if we thought she was in any danger.
I told John he should have fucked her first and then told me but he said that she wasn't worth the risk of putting more stress on our relationship. Funny thing was when I mentioned it to Sue, she immediately said "Well, I hope he fucked her first". Great minds!
Poll in Yahoo:
Should John have fucked Jane?
Yes
6
No
1
Don't know
0
Wednesday 24 October 2007 - 07:01AM (EST)
An admission
One thing I have carefully avoided talking about is increasingly making it hard to talk frankly in my blog. It is a vital aspect of my life and probably the only real reason I am thinking of giving up working.
I did not work from mid 2003 to early 2006. It was because, after I married, I decided to have a baby. I was blessed with a beautiful little girl who is now over 3 years old. I love her so much and I am worried that my working creates a risk for her.
What if she finds out? How can I explain to an innocent little girl about what I do? I enjoy my work but can I expose her to the impact of my behaviour? It is one of the main topics of conversation between John and me as we try to resolve the conflicts of our lifestyle and our daughter’s demands.
John is just as protective of our daughter and loves her so deeply. He is far from opposed to my working on most other grounds (apart from my safety amd health) but says we must think about the consequences. I do not want to quit but probably will. John is turned on by being married to a whore but he is very supportive of my quitting.
I should have mentioned this earlier but I am ashamed that as a mother, I am still working as a whore. I feel too self indulgent.
Poll in Yahoo:
Should I quit working?
Yes 0
No 2
Between me and John 2
My decision 1
Tags: | Edit Tags
Friday 19 October 2007 - 04:26PM (EST)
I did not work from mid 2003 to early 2006. It was because, after I married, I decided to have a baby. I was blessed with a beautiful little girl who is now over 3 years old. I love her so much and I am worried that my working creates a risk for her.
What if she finds out? How can I explain to an innocent little girl about what I do? I enjoy my work but can I expose her to the impact of my behaviour? It is one of the main topics of conversation between John and me as we try to resolve the conflicts of our lifestyle and our daughter’s demands.
John is just as protective of our daughter and loves her so deeply. He is far from opposed to my working on most other grounds (apart from my safety amd health) but says we must think about the consequences. I do not want to quit but probably will. John is turned on by being married to a whore but he is very supportive of my quitting.
I should have mentioned this earlier but I am ashamed that as a mother, I am still working as a whore. I feel too self indulgent.
Poll in Yahoo:
Should I quit working?
Yes 0
No 2
Between me and John 2
My decision 1
Tags: | Edit Tags
Friday 19 October 2007 - 04:26PM (EST)
More FAQs
1) Does your husband read your blog?
Yes – and I do use it to give him messages – like when I am angry or worried but cannot say it to his face. I am always careful to be sure that he will understand what I write and not take it the wrong way because, if others misunderstand me, that’s ok but if I upset him, I am hurting the most important person to me. Fortunately we are very open and he knows almost everything, even including the fact that I have had women lovers and that I am very attracted to them.
2) Do you let your husband fuck other women?
Yes. I can get quite jealous about sharing him but given how many people fuck me, I cannot expect him not to screw other women. My biggest fear is that he gets into a relationship with a better woman than me. So, I prefer he fucks hookers who regard it as a commercial thing.
3) Do you prefer men or women?
I am married to a man – he is my number one preference. But I find that I am very attracted to women. I love holding and kissing a woman and gently touching and exploring each others bodies. Apart from my husband, my closest friends are all women and I have strong sexual relationships with some of them
4) Do you ever fake it?
Sorry to say, yes. If it turns a man on, I will fake an orgasm. I cannot climax with every man and some days I am not really even in the mood. I try to enjoy it but will act if it helps. (I probably should have answered no – but I want to be honest.)
5) What was your best fuck?
The first time with my husband. We went wild. He was my third partner but it was the first time I enjoyed sex. I wrote about it before, so I won’t say more
6) What has been your worst experience?
There are three events in my life that have truly haunted me. Two are sexual and one non-sexual. I still cannot really bring myself to put one of the events on my blog. John has helped me deal with it and I know it should be possible to talk about it but I can’t.
The non-sexual event is the death of my father. I was alienated from him for quite some time and it is thanks to John’s pushing me that I reconciled with him and he understood what my problem was. I found I had been totally unfair to him and I wish I had spoken to him earlier. Unfortunately, he did of a heart attack about 6 months after I talked to him again and, 4 years on, I still miss him so much.
The third event is one I am determined to face. I was raped. It happened when I left work one night. Two Chinese guys grabbed me to “teach me a lesson for disgracing Chinese”. If we had not been interrupted, I am not sure I wouldn’t have been killed or at least cut up a lot.
Some people say you can’t rape a prostitute. That is a complete lie. When I fuck a client I do it freely. In all my fantasies, I have some level of control. Here I was frightened and abused – it was not sexually exciting and I still find a level of fear when I think of it.
The rape damaged me. I nearly gave up working – and felt scared of men. I forced myself to work as an act of defiance against these men. Only Sue really helped me. John was still living with his ex-wife and I didn’t tell him. I didn’t want him to worry or tell me to stop working and also I thought he might value me less. He saw I was hurting and tried to find out what was wrong but I kept silent.
When I told him, I think he was a little hurt that I didn’t trust him more (although he has never said it) and I regret I didn’t tell him. He has talked me through it quite a bit and it is thanks to Sue and to him that it didn’t damage me more and I can talk about it now.
Wednesday 17 October 2007 - 09:05AM (EST)
Yes – and I do use it to give him messages – like when I am angry or worried but cannot say it to his face. I am always careful to be sure that he will understand what I write and not take it the wrong way because, if others misunderstand me, that’s ok but if I upset him, I am hurting the most important person to me. Fortunately we are very open and he knows almost everything, even including the fact that I have had women lovers and that I am very attracted to them.
2) Do you let your husband fuck other women?
Yes. I can get quite jealous about sharing him but given how many people fuck me, I cannot expect him not to screw other women. My biggest fear is that he gets into a relationship with a better woman than me. So, I prefer he fucks hookers who regard it as a commercial thing.
3) Do you prefer men or women?
I am married to a man – he is my number one preference. But I find that I am very attracted to women. I love holding and kissing a woman and gently touching and exploring each others bodies. Apart from my husband, my closest friends are all women and I have strong sexual relationships with some of them
4) Do you ever fake it?
Sorry to say, yes. If it turns a man on, I will fake an orgasm. I cannot climax with every man and some days I am not really even in the mood. I try to enjoy it but will act if it helps. (I probably should have answered no – but I want to be honest.)
5) What was your best fuck?
The first time with my husband. We went wild. He was my third partner but it was the first time I enjoyed sex. I wrote about it before, so I won’t say more
6) What has been your worst experience?
There are three events in my life that have truly haunted me. Two are sexual and one non-sexual. I still cannot really bring myself to put one of the events on my blog. John has helped me deal with it and I know it should be possible to talk about it but I can’t.
The non-sexual event is the death of my father. I was alienated from him for quite some time and it is thanks to John’s pushing me that I reconciled with him and he understood what my problem was. I found I had been totally unfair to him and I wish I had spoken to him earlier. Unfortunately, he did of a heart attack about 6 months after I talked to him again and, 4 years on, I still miss him so much.
The third event is one I am determined to face. I was raped. It happened when I left work one night. Two Chinese guys grabbed me to “teach me a lesson for disgracing Chinese”. If we had not been interrupted, I am not sure I wouldn’t have been killed or at least cut up a lot.
Some people say you can’t rape a prostitute. That is a complete lie. When I fuck a client I do it freely. In all my fantasies, I have some level of control. Here I was frightened and abused – it was not sexually exciting and I still find a level of fear when I think of it.
The rape damaged me. I nearly gave up working – and felt scared of men. I forced myself to work as an act of defiance against these men. Only Sue really helped me. John was still living with his ex-wife and I didn’t tell him. I didn’t want him to worry or tell me to stop working and also I thought he might value me less. He saw I was hurting and tried to find out what was wrong but I kept silent.
When I told him, I think he was a little hurt that I didn’t trust him more (although he has never said it) and I regret I didn’t tell him. He has talked me through it quite a bit and it is thanks to Sue and to him that it didn’t damage me more and I can talk about it now.
Wednesday 17 October 2007 - 09:05AM (EST)
Entry for 17 October 2007
Oh dear! Jane arrived on my front door with her two kids (actually she rang first) – she said she has run away from her husband, after he got violent and asked if she could stay a day or so until she finds a place of her own. She said that I was her only friend whose address her husband doesn’t know.
I was not particularly welcoming and I am worried she is trying to get between John and me but John said it was ok and if her husband is really violent we should help her. Our flat is now very crowded. It is 3 bedrooms all full of people – John and me in one, Jane in another and the children in the third. John asked if I wanted to let Jane sleep with me in the main bedroom and for him to sleep in the small room. I feel that he is worried about whether I care for him and that he is testing me.
He always says that if I want to be free, he won’t stop me. He says he knows he is much older than me and says he thinks he is very lucky to have a young and horny girl like me. I know he has a lot of doubt that I can really love him. I wish he had more confidence – after all he is the most supportive and clever man I know. Given Jane’s room is right next to ours, I deliberately fucked John loudly last night – I want to show her John is still my focus.
Wednesday 17 October 2007 - 07:21AM (EST)
I was not particularly welcoming and I am worried she is trying to get between John and me but John said it was ok and if her husband is really violent we should help her. Our flat is now very crowded. It is 3 bedrooms all full of people – John and me in one, Jane in another and the children in the third. John asked if I wanted to let Jane sleep with me in the main bedroom and for him to sleep in the small room. I feel that he is worried about whether I care for him and that he is testing me.
He always says that if I want to be free, he won’t stop me. He says he knows he is much older than me and says he thinks he is very lucky to have a young and horny girl like me. I know he has a lot of doubt that I can really love him. I wish he had more confidence – after all he is the most supportive and clever man I know. Given Jane’s room is right next to ours, I deliberately fucked John loudly last night – I want to show her John is still my focus.
Wednesday 17 October 2007 - 07:21AM (EST)
My Clients
I have had suggested that I talk about the kind of men who come and see a hooker. I want to be a bit careful because I do not want to accidentally reveal any client and so I will be a bit general.
Basically, most clients come to fuck girls – that may seem obvious but some clients really just want to talk or be massaged. I am much better at fucking than massage or being a friend to the client and have only a few customers like that. Other girls are much better at it than me and get a reasonable number of non-fuck customers as regular. They tend to be more loyal to a girl and are often regulars.
I have had a few clients who want to “save” me and pull me up from my life of sin. Interestingly, some get most keen about it straight after they’ve cum in me. I am still amazed at how men can call me sinful and still fuck me. I actually had one guy who started to follow me after I left work and try to push into my life so he could save me – he was the ultimate hypocrite and had a strong Christian agenda along with a real lust for hookers. He was one of the most perverted guys I have met and was really turned on when I talked about fucking strangers. He was always wanting anal and to try new things. Given I am a natural slut, I didn’t mind any of that but I couldn’t cope with the way he was stalking me. He gave me the creeps. In the long run, I had to get help to get rid of him.
But most clients are ok. About half are married or in serious relationships, half not. This depends a bit on time of week. On weekends, I get a lot more unmarried. Mondays are the marrieds’ day as they get out of the coop. The unmarried are often lonely or frustrated with the dating scene. The ones in relationships are looking for adventure, doing things their partner won’t do or just getting sex because their partner won’t put out – I have had quite a number of clients whose wives are either pregnant or have just had a baby.
Quite a few clients are looking for a wide variety of partners. Some are what I call multi-monogamists – they try to treat each girl as the special one in their life but can be moving between fucking ten or more different girls at the time.
Some people I talk to think that all clients are social rejects. They expect them to be dirty, fat, ugly and stupid. While some are like this, most are just ordinary blokes. Quite a lot are a little careless in personal hygiene but as long as they have a shower first there is no problem. I often make a play of the shower and scrub them and excite them. Quite often I finish the shower by kissing them all over and even giving a blow job.
Strangely, some of the guys I’ve enjoyed least are very good-looking sexy guys who feel they are doing you a favour. They make trouble and are often very rude. Some of the best lovers are the quiet unassuming types.
But I am not looking for lovers – I carefully separate my work from my out-of-work love life. I know quite a few girls who get involved with clients and it may work but so often doesn’t. The guys often feel that they have got a free hooker and have no respect for the girl – in the long run, I believe you can’t hold a relationship together without respect. To put both sides, quite a few of the girls are users who use the man to get things like money or Australian permanent residence and dump the guy when he is no longer useful.
I guess I divide my clients into 3 groups, those addicted to hookers, the social clients and the occasionals.
Some guys visit hookers all the time. The ones addicted to hookers- know all the parlours or at least have a great interest in them. Some like a different girl each time and some have a period where they focus on one girl. They can be the most adventurous in what they require – different positions and different types of sessions – but many keep to a standard suck and fuck routine. But they are addicted. A lot of these are my favourite clients – they come, fuck me and walk away. They treat me like a sex object and we understand each other well.
The social client is like the social drinker, they do it with their friends. Often on a Friday or Saturday night, a group of young men (or sometimes older ones) come and each takes a girl. They are usually more focussed on being one of the boys than on the fucking. These clients can often be the most difficult – especially since they have often had quite a bit to drink. Drunk clients are hard (except often for their cocks) since they are aggressive and often suffer “performance” issues.
The occasionals try it out once or twice a year but are uncertain. Sometimes, it is after a period of drinking or after an argument with their partner. Sometimes, it is just curiosity. They can be a lot of work but are fun (if not drunk) because they are keen and more easily shocked or turned on.
I could write much more and I am happy to tell more if asked or if I think of it. But I might finish this blog entry with a comment about my clients. A lot of them have a thing for Asian girls. They are very turned on by me being a “hot and horny Asian slut”. Some use racist terms, some more polite but so many make a special point of my being Asian. Since I have mostly worked in places where the girls are all Asian, I guess it is natural that my clients have this taste but what interests me is how many places in Sydney specialise in Asians.
Any suggestions why?
Friday 12 October 2007 - 09:10AM (EST
I have had suggested that I talk about the kind of men who come and see a hooker. I want to be a bit careful because I do not want to accidentally reveal any client and so I will be a bit general.
Basically, most clients come to fuck girls – that may seem obvious but some clients really just want to talk or be massaged. I am much better at fucking than massage or being a friend to the client and have only a few customers like that. Other girls are much better at it than me and get a reasonable number of non-fuck customers as regular. They tend to be more loyal to a girl and are often regulars.
I have had a few clients who want to “save” me and pull me up from my life of sin. Interestingly, some get most keen about it straight after they’ve cum in me. I am still amazed at how men can call me sinful and still fuck me. I actually had one guy who started to follow me after I left work and try to push into my life so he could save me – he was the ultimate hypocrite and had a strong Christian agenda along with a real lust for hookers. He was one of the most perverted guys I have met and was really turned on when I talked about fucking strangers. He was always wanting anal and to try new things. Given I am a natural slut, I didn’t mind any of that but I couldn’t cope with the way he was stalking me. He gave me the creeps. In the long run, I had to get help to get rid of him.
But most clients are ok. About half are married or in serious relationships, half not. This depends a bit on time of week. On weekends, I get a lot more unmarried. Mondays are the marrieds’ day as they get out of the coop. The unmarried are often lonely or frustrated with the dating scene. The ones in relationships are looking for adventure, doing things their partner won’t do or just getting sex because their partner won’t put out – I have had quite a number of clients whose wives are either pregnant or have just had a baby.
Quite a few clients are looking for a wide variety of partners. Some are what I call multi-monogamists – they try to treat each girl as the special one in their life but can be moving between fucking ten or more different girls at the time.
Some people I talk to think that all clients are social rejects. They expect them to be dirty, fat, ugly and stupid. While some are like this, most are just ordinary blokes. Quite a lot are a little careless in personal hygiene but as long as they have a shower first there is no problem. I often make a play of the shower and scrub them and excite them. Quite often I finish the shower by kissing them all over and even giving a blow job.
Strangely, some of the guys I’ve enjoyed least are very good-looking sexy guys who feel they are doing you a favour. They make trouble and are often very rude. Some of the best lovers are the quiet unassuming types.
But I am not looking for lovers – I carefully separate my work from my out-of-work love life. I know quite a few girls who get involved with clients and it may work but so often doesn’t. The guys often feel that they have got a free hooker and have no respect for the girl – in the long run, I believe you can’t hold a relationship together without respect. To put both sides, quite a few of the girls are users who use the man to get things like money or Australian permanent residence and dump the guy when he is no longer useful.
I guess I divide my clients into 3 groups, those addicted to hookers, the social clients and the occasionals.
Some guys visit hookers all the time. The ones addicted to hookers- know all the parlours or at least have a great interest in them. Some like a different girl each time and some have a period where they focus on one girl. They can be the most adventurous in what they require – different positions and different types of sessions – but many keep to a standard suck and fuck routine. But they are addicted. A lot of these are my favourite clients – they come, fuck me and walk away. They treat me like a sex object and we understand each other well.
The social client is like the social drinker, they do it with their friends. Often on a Friday or Saturday night, a group of young men (or sometimes older ones) come and each takes a girl. They are usually more focussed on being one of the boys than on the fucking. These clients can often be the most difficult – especially since they have often had quite a bit to drink. Drunk clients are hard (except often for their cocks) since they are aggressive and often suffer “performance” issues.
The occasionals try it out once or twice a year but are uncertain. Sometimes, it is after a period of drinking or after an argument with their partner. Sometimes, it is just curiosity. They can be a lot of work but are fun (if not drunk) because they are keen and more easily shocked or turned on.
I could write much more and I am happy to tell more if asked or if I think of it. But I might finish this blog entry with a comment about my clients. A lot of them have a thing for Asian girls. They are very turned on by me being a “hot and horny Asian slut”. Some use racist terms, some more polite but so many make a special point of my being Asian. Since I have mostly worked in places where the girls are all Asian, I guess it is natural that my clients have this taste but what interests me is how many places in Sydney specialise in Asians.
Any suggestions why?
Friday 12 October 2007 - 09:10AM (EST
Entry for 02 October 2007
Really not much different.
John is back and we are at peace - still some stuff to work out but it can wait. Jane is still keen but I want to be a bit careful there - I feel she will not be helpful if I am to work things out with John.
Sue and I are talking again - we agree that it is better if I don't work with her and Lisa.
So, I am still working at a brothel - doing three days a week at the moment. Average busy. I was looking for a word today to describe how it is to be so close to many men as they fuck me - I think the word is "confronting". On the whole I do not mind "confronting" but I think now 3 days a week is better.
Will try to write something more interesting soon - I really appreciate that people take the time to read my ravings.
Tuesday 2 October 2007 - 07:11AM
John is back and we are at peace - still some stuff to work out but it can wait. Jane is still keen but I want to be a bit careful there - I feel she will not be helpful if I am to work things out with John.
Sue and I are talking again - we agree that it is better if I don't work with her and Lisa.
So, I am still working at a brothel - doing three days a week at the moment. Average busy. I was looking for a word today to describe how it is to be so close to many men as they fuck me - I think the word is "confronting". On the whole I do not mind "confronting" but I think now 3 days a week is better.
Will try to write something more interesting soon - I really appreciate that people take the time to read my ravings.
Tuesday 2 October 2007 - 07:11AM
Entry for 22 September 2007
Well John had a good reason - I better have a good reason why I can't use the answering machine and can sleep through morning phone calls.
Saturday 22 September 2007
Saturday 22 September 2007
Entry for 21 September 2007
Just to tell what's happening: not much has changed.
Worked 3 days this week. Pretty quiet the first 2 days but the last one had 9 customers.
Jane is calling me up all the time now - she always wants to meet me. - but the kids and work make it hard to arrange. She told me I am the most sexual woman she knows. She is staying Saturday night with me - she is leaving the kids with her husband.
John is back on Monday from his business trip and he better have a good reason why he has called me so few times.
Friday 21 September 2007 - 07:41AM (EST)
Worked 3 days this week. Pretty quiet the first 2 days but the last one had 9 customers.
Jane is calling me up all the time now - she always wants to meet me. - but the kids and work make it hard to arrange. She told me I am the most sexual woman she knows. She is staying Saturday night with me - she is leaving the kids with her husband.
John is back on Monday from his business trip and he better have a good reason why he has called me so few times.
Friday 21 September 2007 - 07:41AM (EST)
Am I a typical hooker?
Writing this blog has made me think even more about something that I have been asked often. Am I a typical hooker? I guess typical is hard to describe since the girls I have worked with are all quite different.
I think I have mentioned before the differences between high class, street girls and girls like me who work in the more downmarket brothels. Men pay the high class girls amounts like a $1000 an hour I hear. For me, the total charge at the moment is $240 an hour. I am told that street girls can go as low as $30-$40 for a quick blow job in the back of a car. I really don’t know any street girls – it may sound snobby but it is just that they move in different circles. I have heard enough to think it must be a terrifying life: having to get into the cars of total strangers and take risks all the time. I hear that almost all are on drugs. As I have mentioned, I like seeing people look at me as a sex object and find the idea of standing on a street corner selling my pussy a bit exciting – but I would never do it – just too dangerous.
An interesting thing was that I find the high class girls are more likely to be on drugs than my co-workers downmarket. The drugs are just “higher class” – they snort coke rather than inject heroin. I have never got into the drug scene and having met those who have, I never will.
Back to the question – am I a typical hooker?
To put it crudely in one sense I am exactly typical: we all open our legs (and mouths) and let men fuck us for money.
I guess only a small fraction, say one in ten actually like their work. Those who are not paying off drug habits are often working to make ends meet. Working among at Asian brothels, a lot of the girls I work with are sending home money to their family. I also have heard stories of girls who are virtual slaves – but the places they work do not hire working girls like me who have a choice.
Many of the girls feel angry towards men. I know too many girls who are the victims of violence or abuse. Some of the stories are really distressing. Few had the same choice as me whether to become whores.
A lot of the girls don’t like the sex at all – it is just money.
Maybe one tenth of the girls are like me – I like to think I am a natural whore - we are happy to fuck men for money – and can enjoy the sex.
Many be I am not a typical hooker but I think I am a good one.
Tags: prostitution, hooker | Edit Tags
Friday 21 September 2007
I think I have mentioned before the differences between high class, street girls and girls like me who work in the more downmarket brothels. Men pay the high class girls amounts like a $1000 an hour I hear. For me, the total charge at the moment is $240 an hour. I am told that street girls can go as low as $30-$40 for a quick blow job in the back of a car. I really don’t know any street girls – it may sound snobby but it is just that they move in different circles. I have heard enough to think it must be a terrifying life: having to get into the cars of total strangers and take risks all the time. I hear that almost all are on drugs. As I have mentioned, I like seeing people look at me as a sex object and find the idea of standing on a street corner selling my pussy a bit exciting – but I would never do it – just too dangerous.
An interesting thing was that I find the high class girls are more likely to be on drugs than my co-workers downmarket. The drugs are just “higher class” – they snort coke rather than inject heroin. I have never got into the drug scene and having met those who have, I never will.
Back to the question – am I a typical hooker?
To put it crudely in one sense I am exactly typical: we all open our legs (and mouths) and let men fuck us for money.
I guess only a small fraction, say one in ten actually like their work. Those who are not paying off drug habits are often working to make ends meet. Working among at Asian brothels, a lot of the girls I work with are sending home money to their family. I also have heard stories of girls who are virtual slaves – but the places they work do not hire working girls like me who have a choice.
Many of the girls feel angry towards men. I know too many girls who are the victims of violence or abuse. Some of the stories are really distressing. Few had the same choice as me whether to become whores.
A lot of the girls don’t like the sex at all – it is just money.
Maybe one tenth of the girls are like me – I like to think I am a natural whore - we are happy to fuck men for money – and can enjoy the sex.
Many be I am not a typical hooker but I think I am a good one.
Tags: prostitution, hooker | Edit Tags
Friday 21 September 2007
oh!
What a surprise - not at all what I expected.
Well, Jane's husband did ask me for a fuck - but I turned hom down - a rare ocassion for me yo turn down a cock - but he really got on my nerves.
Then, after I had stayed two days, Jane suggested that she and the kids, stay a night at my place since I hate being alone. It was a bit crowded but I agreed.
I knew she wanted to sleep with me but was surprised she suggested staying at my place.
That night when we were in bed together she really surprised me. She asked me to leave my husband and move into somewhere with her. She said she loved me and hated her husband.
I was surprised how much she said she wanted me. She is about 10 years older than me and I like her but do not feel as close - even though we click in bed. But I am so angry at my husband, I am tempted.
Saturday 15 September 2007 - 05:13PM (EST)
Well, Jane's husband did ask me for a fuck - but I turned hom down - a rare ocassion for me yo turn down a cock - but he really got on my nerves.
Then, after I had stayed two days, Jane suggested that she and the kids, stay a night at my place since I hate being alone. It was a bit crowded but I agreed.
I knew she wanted to sleep with me but was surprised she suggested staying at my place.
That night when we were in bed together she really surprised me. She asked me to leave my husband and move into somewhere with her. She said she loved me and hated her husband.
I was surprised how much she said she wanted me. She is about 10 years older than me and I like her but do not feel as close - even though we click in bed. But I am so angry at my husband, I am tempted.
Saturday 15 September 2007 - 05:13PM (EST)
A miserable weekend
What a depressing weekend – APEC meant almost no business. I had a big fight with my husband and we didn’t fuck at the end of it – a bad sign. Sue wrote an abusive note to my blog. I went on to chat for a while and had some Muslim zealot preach at me about not respecting values. My friends are all busy or out of town.
My husband is out on a business trip this week. I hate being alone in the flat – I will probably spend a couple of nights with my friend Jane and her husband. He will try to fuck me whenever she is not around – she knows it and doesn’t really care and told me to go ahead as long as her kids don’t know – she married him for security not love and she spends her whole time on her two kids.
He doesn’t know I work as a hooker and I think he doesn’t know that Jane used to work and that she and Sue were lovers for a while about 10 years ago. (I met Jane through Sue.) He certainly doesn’t know that Jane prefers pussy to cock and that she is sleeping with a few girls (including me) when she has a chance.
Monday 10 September 2007 - 09:04AM (EST)
My husband is out on a business trip this week. I hate being alone in the flat – I will probably spend a couple of nights with my friend Jane and her husband. He will try to fuck me whenever she is not around – she knows it and doesn’t really care and told me to go ahead as long as her kids don’t know – she married him for security not love and she spends her whole time on her two kids.
He doesn’t know I work as a hooker and I think he doesn’t know that Jane used to work and that she and Sue were lovers for a while about 10 years ago. (I met Jane through Sue.) He certainly doesn’t know that Jane prefers pussy to cock and that she is sleeping with a few girls (including me) when she has a chance.
Monday 10 September 2007 - 09:04AM (EST)
Missing Sue
I haven’t been sleeping well these days. I wake up often at about 6am. I might go into the other room watch TV, switch on the computer or just read a book.
I am feeling a bit down, since my argument with Sue over Lisa. It’s been well over two weeks since then. I still haven’t heard from her. I tried to contact her but she seems to be avoiding me.
It is not easy losing such a close and intimate friend. I have no other working girl friends who I can talk as freely with. Before John broke with his wife, I had thought of her as the only person I could ever live with and love.
She is much stronger and smarter than me and as I said before she is absolutely beautiful. I always wonder how someone could lead such a hard life and still be warm and loving. In fact, I have felt a bit jealous of Lisa when she came on the scene but I was glad to see Sue finally a bit happier. I would never take Lisa from her – Lisa is young and pretty but not half of what Sue is.
Sue, I miss you as my best friend.
Thursday 30 August 2007 - 08:25AM (EST)
I am feeling a bit down, since my argument with Sue over Lisa. It’s been well over two weeks since then. I still haven’t heard from her. I tried to contact her but she seems to be avoiding me.
It is not easy losing such a close and intimate friend. I have no other working girl friends who I can talk as freely with. Before John broke with his wife, I had thought of her as the only person I could ever live with and love.
She is much stronger and smarter than me and as I said before she is absolutely beautiful. I always wonder how someone could lead such a hard life and still be warm and loving. In fact, I have felt a bit jealous of Lisa when she came on the scene but I was glad to see Sue finally a bit happier. I would never take Lisa from her – Lisa is young and pretty but not half of what Sue is.
Sue, I miss you as my best friend.
Thursday 30 August 2007 - 08:25AM (EST)
FAQs
I keep being asked some questions especially in chat sessions and so I thought I would give brief answers to them. I can say more if anyone is interested. Also, I will answer other questions if I can.
What do you look like?
I am Asian – currently my hair is shoulder length. I do not think I am beautiful but men say I am pretty. I am 160cm (5 foot 3 inches) tall with a figure of 86-66-84 (34-26-33).
What do you charge? Do you get tips?
Typically, a bit over $200 for an hour session. Also do shorter sessions including 20 minute quickie which are $80. Some men tip, many do not.
What is your favourite position?
Kneeling in front of a man giving him a blow job – especially if I can see myself in the mirror and know that he is watching me as I suck him. In sex, I prefer on top, riding the man with him seeing his cock going in and out of me.
What are your limits?
Complete and not-negotiable: children. Do not suggest to me anything that could possibly harm them or force them into a sexual situation– I will report it.
Don’t like scat and toilet stuff - animals are a definite turn-off. Do not like extreme cruelty or violence.
Do you like anal?
Not really – I do it for a few customers but I am always uncomfortable afterwards and it never turns me on.
Have you many women clients?
Unfortunately no. I think they are not likely to go to the type of place I work – they would prefer up-market or discrete private location. Very occasionally a man comes in with his wife or g.f. but usually in these cases, the focus is on pleasing the guy.
How many men do you fuck in a day?
Depends on all sorts of things – rainy days are quieter for example and near Christmas can be slow but in general, I would see about 5 to 10 men in a single shift. I used to work double shifts and then might have 10-15. Looking through my diary entries, the busiest day I had was 19 clients.
Are all the men perverts?
Not in my view. Many just want a no-strings fuck.
Do you do 3somes?
Yes, both 2 women one man and two men one woman.
Do you like B&D?
It can be good if done well – prefer receiving than doing.
Do you like roleplay? What role do you play?
Trouble with role play is that often I feel silly. When it works, it can be fun – I tend to prefer submissive or slutty roles.
When was your first time?
My first boyfriend was when I was 18.
Have you ever fucked a celebrity?
Not too my knowledge. I work down market and most celebrities (with the exception of Hugh Grant of course) like up-market pussy.
Do all hookers like sex?
A lot do not enjoy it – at least most of the time. For them it is just a job. I will talk more on this later.
Are all hookers lesbians?
No – in fact a lot of the women I work with feel uncomfortable being touched by women.
Have you ever done a gangbang? Did you enjoy it?
Yes, a client staged a special event in which there were 20 guys at a time. I went out of control and really lost myself in all the cocks. It was incredibly exciting and I did enjoy it.
What is your most exciting or strange experience?
Apart from the gangbang, one of the most interesting/strange experiences was a threesome with a guy and a transsexual.
Tuesday 28 August 2007
What do you look like?
I am Asian – currently my hair is shoulder length. I do not think I am beautiful but men say I am pretty. I am 160cm (5 foot 3 inches) tall with a figure of 86-66-84 (34-26-33).
What do you charge? Do you get tips?
Typically, a bit over $200 for an hour session. Also do shorter sessions including 20 minute quickie which are $80. Some men tip, many do not.
What is your favourite position?
Kneeling in front of a man giving him a blow job – especially if I can see myself in the mirror and know that he is watching me as I suck him. In sex, I prefer on top, riding the man with him seeing his cock going in and out of me.
What are your limits?
Complete and not-negotiable: children. Do not suggest to me anything that could possibly harm them or force them into a sexual situation– I will report it.
Don’t like scat and toilet stuff - animals are a definite turn-off. Do not like extreme cruelty or violence.
Do you like anal?
Not really – I do it for a few customers but I am always uncomfortable afterwards and it never turns me on.
Have you many women clients?
Unfortunately no. I think they are not likely to go to the type of place I work – they would prefer up-market or discrete private location. Very occasionally a man comes in with his wife or g.f. but usually in these cases, the focus is on pleasing the guy.
How many men do you fuck in a day?
Depends on all sorts of things – rainy days are quieter for example and near Christmas can be slow but in general, I would see about 5 to 10 men in a single shift. I used to work double shifts and then might have 10-15. Looking through my diary entries, the busiest day I had was 19 clients.
Are all the men perverts?
Not in my view. Many just want a no-strings fuck.
Do you do 3somes?
Yes, both 2 women one man and two men one woman.
Do you like B&D?
It can be good if done well – prefer receiving than doing.
Do you like roleplay? What role do you play?
Trouble with role play is that often I feel silly. When it works, it can be fun – I tend to prefer submissive or slutty roles.
When was your first time?
My first boyfriend was when I was 18.
Have you ever fucked a celebrity?
Not too my knowledge. I work down market and most celebrities (with the exception of Hugh Grant of course) like up-market pussy.
Do all hookers like sex?
A lot do not enjoy it – at least most of the time. For them it is just a job. I will talk more on this later.
Are all hookers lesbians?
No – in fact a lot of the women I work with feel uncomfortable being touched by women.
Have you ever done a gangbang? Did you enjoy it?
Yes, a client staged a special event in which there were 20 guys at a time. I went out of control and really lost myself in all the cocks. It was incredibly exciting and I did enjoy it.
What is your most exciting or strange experience?
Apart from the gangbang, one of the most interesting/strange experiences was a threesome with a guy and a transsexual.
Tuesday 28 August 2007
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Fear of Rejection – Why do I care?
At most of the places I have worked, when a client comes in, the girls are asked to line up or go in separately and present themselves to the man. This beauty parade reminds me that the men regard me as something to be bought. I know that from a feminist viewpoint, this is demeaning and treats me like a commodity. But the fact is that for me displaying myself is often the most exciting part of the process.
A funny thing is that even now when a client is choosing his girl. I really want to be chosen – even if the guy is unappealing. I guess this is a sign of insecurity but it means that I do every thing I can to be chosen. The management at most places I work tend to discourage too much contact at this stage but I try ways to make men notice me.
At some places, the girls are called out in a group and lined up and the guy chooses on the spot. There, the most I can do is smile and try to look as sexually available and open as possible. It is a fine balance between looking a hot little slut and looking plain silly.
I prefer when I can present myself to the guy- I walk up close to him s he sits in his chair or couch. I lean over slightly and let him see my cleavage – I haven’t got big boobs but they can be made exciting if I dress the right way - I spend a lot of time thinking of dressing right when I am working.
I try to make it clear that I am hot and willing. Some guys ask do I give good head and I tell them that it’s my special skill – some ask am I a hot slut and I tell them that I will be so hot they’ll get burnt or the like.
I try never to be offended no matter what the guy says. I have had men call me a lot of things – sometimes pretty racist and often meant to put me down, like “cheap little whore” or so on.
Also, I also look at the man’s reaction – does he looks at my tits or my face? – some prefer more polite and I can play that part if it helps. However, I must confess I have better success with men who want sluts. I act dirty better than I act pure.
I wish I could say I get selected all the time but even though I try hard, it is not true. Although I am not ugly, I am not the prettiest girl, I know. However, I am quite successful - when I was working with Sue in the earlier days, I was often chosen over her and she is the most beautiful girl I know – I never could understand why anyone would not choose her.
All the same, whenever I am not chosen, I feel a sense of failure. Why? I need to be chosen – my husband says that it is because I am not confident and still not aware of just how sexually desirable I am – I hope he is right but I think he is biased.
Maybe it is this lack of confidence that made me act like a complete slut when I started working and my husband was still living with his ex-wife– after a shift, I would quite often go out to a club and get picked up and fuck some total stranger.
But maybe, that was just that I was excited at finding how much I liked fucking around?
Tuesday 21 August 2007 - 01:06PM (EST)
A funny thing is that even now when a client is choosing his girl. I really want to be chosen – even if the guy is unappealing. I guess this is a sign of insecurity but it means that I do every thing I can to be chosen. The management at most places I work tend to discourage too much contact at this stage but I try ways to make men notice me.
At some places, the girls are called out in a group and lined up and the guy chooses on the spot. There, the most I can do is smile and try to look as sexually available and open as possible. It is a fine balance between looking a hot little slut and looking plain silly.
I prefer when I can present myself to the guy- I walk up close to him s he sits in his chair or couch. I lean over slightly and let him see my cleavage – I haven’t got big boobs but they can be made exciting if I dress the right way - I spend a lot of time thinking of dressing right when I am working.
I try to make it clear that I am hot and willing. Some guys ask do I give good head and I tell them that it’s my special skill – some ask am I a hot slut and I tell them that I will be so hot they’ll get burnt or the like.
I try never to be offended no matter what the guy says. I have had men call me a lot of things – sometimes pretty racist and often meant to put me down, like “cheap little whore” or so on.
Also, I also look at the man’s reaction – does he looks at my tits or my face? – some prefer more polite and I can play that part if it helps. However, I must confess I have better success with men who want sluts. I act dirty better than I act pure.
I wish I could say I get selected all the time but even though I try hard, it is not true. Although I am not ugly, I am not the prettiest girl, I know. However, I am quite successful - when I was working with Sue in the earlier days, I was often chosen over her and she is the most beautiful girl I know – I never could understand why anyone would not choose her.
All the same, whenever I am not chosen, I feel a sense of failure. Why? I need to be chosen – my husband says that it is because I am not confident and still not aware of just how sexually desirable I am – I hope he is right but I think he is biased.
Maybe it is this lack of confidence that made me act like a complete slut when I started working and my husband was still living with his ex-wife– after a shift, I would quite often go out to a club and get picked up and fuck some total stranger.
But maybe, that was just that I was excited at finding how much I liked fucking around?
Tuesday 21 August 2007 - 01:06PM (EST)
Females as Property?
For a while I followed a yahoo group called Females as Property. In fact I asked a question to the group in which I tried to find out what I should do when I couldn’t get an answer from my husband whether to keep working or not. The general view was I should stop working but I felt their answers didn’t fit with my situation and when I raised objections, they got fed up with me – possibly fairly.
But the title of the group does interest me. I am excited by the idea of belonging to someone as property – maybe partly, as my husband suggests, because it is easier to have someone else make my decisions.
Am I the property of my clients? When I work, am I selling myself? I think that I am renting out my body for men to enjoy within limits. I think that to some extent my client owns me for that period. But he does not own me completely because he can only do what we agreed such as fuck me in the cunt or mouth – only my very best clients can use my ass.
I am turned on by the idea of serving men and I am therefore more likely to give my clients more room to use me than just agreed but I am not their property.
Because I like to be owned, I want to be the property of my husband. I want him to control me and make me serve him. That is why I want him to say if I work as a hooker or not. If he says “yes”, I work. If he says “no”, I stop. Trouble was, he said neither and I tried to interpret what he wanted.
At the end, we had a big argument and we agreed that I continue to work for the meantime. I believe he is still very turned on by being married to a hooker. But, we still do not agree on whether he owns me or not.
He argues that no matter what he says I have a brain of my own and while he can tell me what to do, he cannot tell me what to think. Ultimately, I can walk away and he thinks that I should have this freedom. He also argues that he is dependent on me for his happiness and so maybe we should say that he is my slave.
I argue that my life is to submit to him and that I am his slave. I need him completely. When he wants me, he can take me and use me.
Thinking of the Females as Property group, despite its intention, I think it supports my husband’s argument that people who seek to be masters are often not really in control. Most of the discussion seem to be how a master should control their slave, what are the rules and how should others treat someone’s slave. There is also a lot about slaves seeking new masters or more often masters seeking new slaves –often it seems that the slaves gave up their master of their own will and the masters lost their slaves unwillingly. So, who is in control?
My husband showed me one of the Gor books – “Slave Girls of Gor” – he pointed out how much work the men of Gor do to keep control of their women. Apart from the writing style which was pretty awful, I found the books a bit erotic because I imagined myself stripped and naked bowing before my husband.
But I have to concede that even though a lot of “masters” including some of my clients talk about control, the guys who seem most in control are the ones who come in and casually fuck me without thinking of how to dominate.
And, for me, my husband is the man with the most control. He is clever enough to keep me in love with him and still hungering for him sexually and emotionally despite all the other men who fuck me.
Thursday 16 August 2007 - 03:22PM (EST)
But the title of the group does interest me. I am excited by the idea of belonging to someone as property – maybe partly, as my husband suggests, because it is easier to have someone else make my decisions.
Am I the property of my clients? When I work, am I selling myself? I think that I am renting out my body for men to enjoy within limits. I think that to some extent my client owns me for that period. But he does not own me completely because he can only do what we agreed such as fuck me in the cunt or mouth – only my very best clients can use my ass.
I am turned on by the idea of serving men and I am therefore more likely to give my clients more room to use me than just agreed but I am not their property.
Because I like to be owned, I want to be the property of my husband. I want him to control me and make me serve him. That is why I want him to say if I work as a hooker or not. If he says “yes”, I work. If he says “no”, I stop. Trouble was, he said neither and I tried to interpret what he wanted.
At the end, we had a big argument and we agreed that I continue to work for the meantime. I believe he is still very turned on by being married to a hooker. But, we still do not agree on whether he owns me or not.
He argues that no matter what he says I have a brain of my own and while he can tell me what to do, he cannot tell me what to think. Ultimately, I can walk away and he thinks that I should have this freedom. He also argues that he is dependent on me for his happiness and so maybe we should say that he is my slave.
I argue that my life is to submit to him and that I am his slave. I need him completely. When he wants me, he can take me and use me.
Thinking of the Females as Property group, despite its intention, I think it supports my husband’s argument that people who seek to be masters are often not really in control. Most of the discussion seem to be how a master should control their slave, what are the rules and how should others treat someone’s slave. There is also a lot about slaves seeking new masters or more often masters seeking new slaves –often it seems that the slaves gave up their master of their own will and the masters lost their slaves unwillingly. So, who is in control?
My husband showed me one of the Gor books – “Slave Girls of Gor” – he pointed out how much work the men of Gor do to keep control of their women. Apart from the writing style which was pretty awful, I found the books a bit erotic because I imagined myself stripped and naked bowing before my husband.
But I have to concede that even though a lot of “masters” including some of my clients talk about control, the guys who seem most in control are the ones who come in and casually fuck me without thinking of how to dominate.
And, for me, my husband is the man with the most control. He is clever enough to keep me in love with him and still hungering for him sexually and emotionally despite all the other men who fuck me.
Thursday 16 August 2007 - 03:22PM (EST)
Growing up - or just losing interest?
I re-read my description of the first day and found it was strange. It was essentially copied direct from my diary at the time. At that time, I was really turned on by being a prostitute - it was shocking and defiant and I was determined to be a complete slut.
Now it seems a bit like a different world. Having been with so many men, the novelty has worn off. Now it is more of a job.
That is not to say I am no longer sexually driven - I am still a very sexual woman. Just that I am more experienced and some might say more cynical.
Am I wiser now? Maybe.
Wednesday 15 August 2007 - 08:12AM (EST)
Now it seems a bit like a different world. Having been with so many men, the novelty has worn off. Now it is more of a job.
That is not to say I am no longer sexually driven - I am still a very sexual woman. Just that I am more experienced and some might say more cynical.
Am I wiser now? Maybe.
Wednesday 15 August 2007 - 08:12AM (EST)
High Class or Low Class
One of the questions I get asked often is why I don’t work one of the up-class brothels like A Touch of Class or Tiffany’s.
In fact I worked an up-market brothel for a week and hated it. The girls are snooty and seem to pretend that they are not whores. They like to think of themselves as “courtesans” or “entertainers” – give me a break, they fuck for money, so to me they sounded an awful like whores. I am a whore and do not pretend I am not.
Also a lot of them are pretty contemptuous of Asians– they may be courtesans but the Asians like me are cheap whores.
The money is better per fuck but in the long run, because I was busier at the lower end of town, I earned as much if not more per evening. The clients are on the whole ruder, I think.
One thing I like about where I work is the sense that we are all whores together – there is no pretension. We may not always be friends – in fact there are quite a number of spats – but push comes to shove – we unite against the aggressive or rude client and against anyone who puts us down.
I must stress I do not work the street – the little bit I have seen of these girls is they are so drugged out, that it is scary. They hate life it seems and often border-line crazy. The up-market has its fair share of drugs also but in a more refined way. I have never done drugs and having met enough druggies, I never want to. They are very sad people.
There are some girls who do drugs where I work, although the madam tries to avoid them – they are too unreliable. Most of the girls are either working to send money back home or they work one or two days a week to pay their expenses as they study English
Tuesday 14 August 2007 - 08:38AM (EST)
In fact I worked an up-market brothel for a week and hated it. The girls are snooty and seem to pretend that they are not whores. They like to think of themselves as “courtesans” or “entertainers” – give me a break, they fuck for money, so to me they sounded an awful like whores. I am a whore and do not pretend I am not.
Also a lot of them are pretty contemptuous of Asians– they may be courtesans but the Asians like me are cheap whores.
The money is better per fuck but in the long run, because I was busier at the lower end of town, I earned as much if not more per evening. The clients are on the whole ruder, I think.
One thing I like about where I work is the sense that we are all whores together – there is no pretension. We may not always be friends – in fact there are quite a number of spats – but push comes to shove – we unite against the aggressive or rude client and against anyone who puts us down.
I must stress I do not work the street – the little bit I have seen of these girls is they are so drugged out, that it is scary. They hate life it seems and often border-line crazy. The up-market has its fair share of drugs also but in a more refined way. I have never done drugs and having met enough druggies, I never want to. They are very sad people.
There are some girls who do drugs where I work, although the madam tries to avoid them – they are too unreliable. Most of the girls are either working to send money back home or they work one or two days a week to pay their expenses as they study English
Tuesday 14 August 2007 - 08:38AM (EST)
Quit my private situation
I am quite upset – I had a big row with my best friend Sue who I have been working with the last few weeks. It started because she was jealous after her girlfriend Lisa and I had a lesbian double with a client. We both enjoyed it too much and Sue decided I am trying to steal Lisa. I told her she was being silly – it is just that Lisa is hot and we had fun kissing and playing with each other in the 3some. When I called her silly, she got even angrier and she said a lot of things about me. I finished up walking out.
Sue and I had lived and slept together for a while before I married. We shared my bedsitter in Surry Hills and, before John broke off with his wife, I thought that Sue and I might become a couple. We are (or at least were) still close – so I am feeling really lost without her friendship.
So, I am no longer working with them privately and will go back to the brothel where I have been working for the last six months.
Monday 13 August 2007 - 01:30PM (EST)
Sue and I had lived and slept together for a while before I married. We shared my bedsitter in Surry Hills and, before John broke off with his wife, I thought that Sue and I might become a couple. We are (or at least were) still close – so I am feeling really lost without her friendship.
So, I am no longer working with them privately and will go back to the brothel where I have been working for the last six months.
Monday 13 August 2007 - 01:30PM (EST)
Why my blog?
I used to go into chat rooms quite often to blow off steam. I hoped it would clear my head but it didn't really do so. I find writing this blog is more helpful for me. I talk about things and they become a little clearer.
I know what I write sound pretty dumb - but I am not that clever. Maybe it sounds like I am recommending being a prostitute - I am not - too many girls get destroyed by it - it bangs their minds around - you have to be able to detach yourself when you have a strange man on top of you - you need to be able to accept that most people regard you as strange. Men will either think that they can treat you like a sex object, regard you as someone to be rescued (they cannot believe you freely work) or just avoid you as a fallen woman. Women are worse - they can be jealous of your sexuality, fearful of you as a competitor, morally disgusted at you or just plain contemptuous. Some of the comments I have got from women are the most hurtful - I don't mind men's sexually explicit remarks or even when they call me a slut or something like that. What I hate is the way women can ridicule me and make me feel even more stupid than I am.
I am working through a lot of issues at the moment and as I said in an earlier post, I can be pretty down at times. I have talked a lot about the past but when I write I think a lot about me then and now. I wish I was still as innocent.
This blog doesn't cover my main issues but it talks about a part of me that I often find hard to talk about with people. I sometimes fee that even though so much of my life is spent having sex with strangers, I am not really facing what I do honestly. This is what the blog is about.
Wednesday 8 August 2007 - 07:17AM (EST
I know what I write sound pretty dumb - but I am not that clever. Maybe it sounds like I am recommending being a prostitute - I am not - too many girls get destroyed by it - it bangs their minds around - you have to be able to detach yourself when you have a strange man on top of you - you need to be able to accept that most people regard you as strange. Men will either think that they can treat you like a sex object, regard you as someone to be rescued (they cannot believe you freely work) or just avoid you as a fallen woman. Women are worse - they can be jealous of your sexuality, fearful of you as a competitor, morally disgusted at you or just plain contemptuous. Some of the comments I have got from women are the most hurtful - I don't mind men's sexually explicit remarks or even when they call me a slut or something like that. What I hate is the way women can ridicule me and make me feel even more stupid than I am.
I am working through a lot of issues at the moment and as I said in an earlier post, I can be pretty down at times. I have talked a lot about the past but when I write I think a lot about me then and now. I wish I was still as innocent.
This blog doesn't cover my main issues but it talks about a part of me that I often find hard to talk about with people. I sometimes fee that even though so much of my life is spent having sex with strangers, I am not really facing what I do honestly. This is what the blog is about.
Wednesday 8 August 2007 - 07:17AM (EST
My first day as a whore
In my last post, I talked about how I got to the stage of working as a hooker. I thought I'd write briefly about the first day – most of this is copied from my diary that I kept at the time. I had rung up for an interview with a couple of places that were listed in the local papers. I was pretty nervous going in to my first interview - I knew I was taking a big step and if I started working even for one day, it would change me.
The first place I went to, they offered me a 40% share. After going through how experienced I was with being fucked and seeing if I understood what I had to do, the guy interviewing me touched me up and told me to strip and show if I had tats and looked ok naked. He clearly wanted a sample run. I let him touch me a bit but said I wouldn’t do any more until I had decided that I wanted to work there. I didn’t mind that he was a sleazy guy – in fact it rather excited me that I was already being treated as a whore – but my feeling was that the parlour was amateur and probably I wouldn’t get a good deal.
I had a 4pm appointment at the next place. I was interviewed by the madam, a Chinese woman of about 40 years old. She asked me a lot about my experience and made sure I understood what the job was about – she talked a lot about blow jobs and letting a stranger fuck me. She was pretty dubious because I had only ever had 3 sex partners – but as I realise now she was always keen to get girls and if I failed, the worst that would happen is that she would have to comfort an unhappy client.
The whole thing was very professional – she offered 50% for me, 50% for the house, payable at the end of each week. The house supplied towels, condoms and lube. They set the roster one week in advance and I could choose within reason.
I was wearing a black leather two piece that made me look quite sluttish and the madam suggested that it would be a good working dress. We also discussed a working name – Grace was my choice but the madam said that they had had a Grace until recently and she didn’t like to reuse names too quickly. We agreed on the name Lily.
I then agreed to work there but then the madam told me that I should start working immediately – she said that she couldn’t put me on the roster until she had some evidence that I was serious – she had too many cases where a girl interviewed and got cold feet and didn’t come back. That left them short-staffed for the day.
I was put on the spot – up to now it had still been a bit of a fantasy – now it was reality. I felt butterflies in my stomach. But I felt that I had gone too far to turn back and so I agreed. She then showed me around – the place was an inner city terrace with about 6 rooms. Some rooms had bathrooms and there were shared bathrooms. The place was not well maintained and quite gloomy – this was not an upmarket brothel.
She explained that there were various services: 20 mins for $80, half hour for $120 and an hour was a $180. The basic service was a suck followed by a fuck with a massage or a second fuck and suck for longer periods. The house policy was to use condoms - if a girl chose not to use them, that was her business but a girl always had the right to insist on a condom.
Extra services were available. Some girls did anal – I said I preferred not to do it at this stage and the madam said that was fine. They offered doubles – and some girls did lesbian. I was quite curious about this but a bit uncertain. Some guys wanted just blow jobs and some wanted just fucking – but this was in the standard price. The girls should let guys touch them all over as long as they were not hurting. Dressing up or role-play were possible but since the place had no costumes, this meant the guy had to arrange everything – I was never asked for dressing up or role play there.
By the time, the interview was ended and I had been shown around, the night shift had already started (it started at 5pm) and I was introduced to my co-workers. There was a group of Thais who talked together, a couple of Filipinas and another Chinese girl.
As I sat there, I remember thinking that we were all sitting around just waiting to be fucked. It had an air of unreality.
Then the call came for us to present ourselves to a customer in the reception area. I was extremely nervous as the madam called me to go in and introduce myself. She stood next to me and said that this was Lily – she’s very new. I went over shook his hand and then went back to our waiting area. I was preparing to go and fuck the man when the madam called another girl – rather stupidly, I had not really expected to be rejected.
The next two clients chose other girls and I was beginning to think that my career as a hooker would be over before it started. The madam also carefully excluded one client on the grounds that he was not a good one for a new girl.
Then, a client arrived and I was shown to him. He didn’t look too bad. He had been told I was a new girl and he asked if I knew what to do. The madam said of course but if he was dissatisfied, he should tell. The way he was looking at me, I could tell he was thinking whether he wanted to fuck me. The madam was keen to get a first client for me and so she encouraged him by talking about how hot and sexy I was and that’s why she had hired me.
Finally, he said he’d try me and so I took his hand and led him up the stairs to the room. I was very nervous by this stage. I asked him what he wanted and he said an hour session, he wanted a suck and fuck first, then a massage then another fuck and suck. I said it was $180 and he gave me the money which I took down to reception.. I then went back up and he was already stripped. and was in the shower - the room was one of those with showers - and so I quickly stripped down.
I could see him watching me as I took off my clothes and it was quite exciting but also a little scary to be with a man who regarded me just as a fuck. I got into the shower and helped scrub him around his cock. When I knelt in front of him, I kissed his cock as I did with my boyfriend when I was serving him He was already hard and I saw his cock jump at the kiss – I looked up at him and tried to smile. He asked if I would suck him without a condom – he would tip me, he said and I said o.k. if he didn’t cum in my mouth.
So, we then finished the shower and moved to the bed. I started sucking him. Moving my head up and down on his cock as fast as possible – he told me to slow down – so I did and despite my request, he came while I was sucking him. I tried to spit it out but swallowed quite a bit.
I felt a bit dumb about trusting him but I decided not to show too much and after cleaning up, I gave him a completely incompetent massage and we has another suck and fuck – this time, I carefully put a condom on him – I was not very skilful at that since John and I never used them. I found I didn’t enjoy sucking with a condom on – the latex taste was not good.
Whole he was fucking me, I came – I was turned on by seeing myself in the mirror riding this stranger with his cock pushing his cock in and out of me.
When we had finished, he gave me a $20 tip and told me I was a natural. He said his name was Bill and he’d see me again.
I returned to the waiting area feeling quite special – which was really very dumb since all the other girls were doing exactly the same things. I sat down and wanted to talk about it. The Chinese girl, Sue, looked at me and said “Your first trick?” I nodded and we talked a bit about it – she laughed at me when I old how he had cum in my mouth. She was cynical but nice to me. She said that she had been working 8 years – which shocked me when I found out she was only 24. She said that we should become friends – I nodded.
She was called out for one of her regulars – and one of the Filipinas said to me when she had gone –“ be careful of Sue – she likes to fuck girls”. That made me more curious about her.
I had 5 more customers over the night – 3 half hour sessions and 2 hour sessions. A couple had come in too see the new girl since the Madam had rung them to tell about me. Most were pretty typical suck and fucks. Two of them wanted to lick my pussy – I let them of course.
Only one was different – he asked me to lie in front of me and spread my legs. He then examined me closely. Then he asked me how I liked being a whore, knowing my cunt was available to any man for a few dollars. He played with my pussy a bit and told me to beg him to fuck me. So, I begged him, “please fuck me”. Actually I was quite turned on by it. He then called me a horny little slut and told me to suck him. After that it turned in to a pretty standard fuck and suck session. But at the end he surprised me by asking me to marry him and he’d become my pimp - I didn’t know what to say, so I said I’d think about it.
At the end of the day, the madam asked me if I would come again and I immediately said yes. She then arranged my roster. I chose evenings and weekends, since John, my lover, would visit me often at lunch times and I didn’t want to miss these sessions – after all he was the reason I came to Sydney in the first place. I agreed to start the next day.
I went home very pumped up – I was a whore – I was a shocking slut - I thought of what my family would think. I saw my future as man after man used me, fucking my pussy or face – and, strangely, I did not feel shame, it excited me. I felt I really was a natural as my first customer had said.
To close off, I quote the end of my diary entry for the day written in the early morning after coming home. It shows the state of excitement that I was in.
“I am lying here, writing my diary in the nude – I can see myself in the mirror, I spread my legs so I can see where the cocks went a few hours ago when I was selling my pussy – I still look the same but I feel I have changed. Even while I am writing, I feel so horny. John will come in about 9 hours time and I hope he will fuck me like the cheap and dirty whore I am – it makes me wet to think about it. He says he is turned on by whores – god, I hope he is turned on by me – I need him to use me – and tonight, I will fuck more strangers – I am a slut – I should be ashamed but all I can think of is the cocks that will fuck my whore mouth or pussy – funny, I am even more excited by thinking about it than when I was doing it. Got to stop writing – I want to play with my pussy now, I am so hot.”
(John did come that lunchtime and he did fuck me hard and treat me like a whore but as I have found so often with him, he did it in such a way that still showed respect for me – he knew I wanted it and that I was too excited to act calmly.)
Monday 6 August 2007 - 09:26AM (EST)
The first place I went to, they offered me a 40% share. After going through how experienced I was with being fucked and seeing if I understood what I had to do, the guy interviewing me touched me up and told me to strip and show if I had tats and looked ok naked. He clearly wanted a sample run. I let him touch me a bit but said I wouldn’t do any more until I had decided that I wanted to work there. I didn’t mind that he was a sleazy guy – in fact it rather excited me that I was already being treated as a whore – but my feeling was that the parlour was amateur and probably I wouldn’t get a good deal.
I had a 4pm appointment at the next place. I was interviewed by the madam, a Chinese woman of about 40 years old. She asked me a lot about my experience and made sure I understood what the job was about – she talked a lot about blow jobs and letting a stranger fuck me. She was pretty dubious because I had only ever had 3 sex partners – but as I realise now she was always keen to get girls and if I failed, the worst that would happen is that she would have to comfort an unhappy client.
The whole thing was very professional – she offered 50% for me, 50% for the house, payable at the end of each week. The house supplied towels, condoms and lube. They set the roster one week in advance and I could choose within reason.
I was wearing a black leather two piece that made me look quite sluttish and the madam suggested that it would be a good working dress. We also discussed a working name – Grace was my choice but the madam said that they had had a Grace until recently and she didn’t like to reuse names too quickly. We agreed on the name Lily.
I then agreed to work there but then the madam told me that I should start working immediately – she said that she couldn’t put me on the roster until she had some evidence that I was serious – she had too many cases where a girl interviewed and got cold feet and didn’t come back. That left them short-staffed for the day.
I was put on the spot – up to now it had still been a bit of a fantasy – now it was reality. I felt butterflies in my stomach. But I felt that I had gone too far to turn back and so I agreed. She then showed me around – the place was an inner city terrace with about 6 rooms. Some rooms had bathrooms and there were shared bathrooms. The place was not well maintained and quite gloomy – this was not an upmarket brothel.
She explained that there were various services: 20 mins for $80, half hour for $120 and an hour was a $180. The basic service was a suck followed by a fuck with a massage or a second fuck and suck for longer periods. The house policy was to use condoms - if a girl chose not to use them, that was her business but a girl always had the right to insist on a condom.
Extra services were available. Some girls did anal – I said I preferred not to do it at this stage and the madam said that was fine. They offered doubles – and some girls did lesbian. I was quite curious about this but a bit uncertain. Some guys wanted just blow jobs and some wanted just fucking – but this was in the standard price. The girls should let guys touch them all over as long as they were not hurting. Dressing up or role-play were possible but since the place had no costumes, this meant the guy had to arrange everything – I was never asked for dressing up or role play there.
By the time, the interview was ended and I had been shown around, the night shift had already started (it started at 5pm) and I was introduced to my co-workers. There was a group of Thais who talked together, a couple of Filipinas and another Chinese girl.
As I sat there, I remember thinking that we were all sitting around just waiting to be fucked. It had an air of unreality.
Then the call came for us to present ourselves to a customer in the reception area. I was extremely nervous as the madam called me to go in and introduce myself. She stood next to me and said that this was Lily – she’s very new. I went over shook his hand and then went back to our waiting area. I was preparing to go and fuck the man when the madam called another girl – rather stupidly, I had not really expected to be rejected.
The next two clients chose other girls and I was beginning to think that my career as a hooker would be over before it started. The madam also carefully excluded one client on the grounds that he was not a good one for a new girl.
Then, a client arrived and I was shown to him. He didn’t look too bad. He had been told I was a new girl and he asked if I knew what to do. The madam said of course but if he was dissatisfied, he should tell. The way he was looking at me, I could tell he was thinking whether he wanted to fuck me. The madam was keen to get a first client for me and so she encouraged him by talking about how hot and sexy I was and that’s why she had hired me.
Finally, he said he’d try me and so I took his hand and led him up the stairs to the room. I was very nervous by this stage. I asked him what he wanted and he said an hour session, he wanted a suck and fuck first, then a massage then another fuck and suck. I said it was $180 and he gave me the money which I took down to reception.. I then went back up and he was already stripped. and was in the shower - the room was one of those with showers - and so I quickly stripped down.
I could see him watching me as I took off my clothes and it was quite exciting but also a little scary to be with a man who regarded me just as a fuck. I got into the shower and helped scrub him around his cock. When I knelt in front of him, I kissed his cock as I did with my boyfriend when I was serving him He was already hard and I saw his cock jump at the kiss – I looked up at him and tried to smile. He asked if I would suck him without a condom – he would tip me, he said and I said o.k. if he didn’t cum in my mouth.
So, we then finished the shower and moved to the bed. I started sucking him. Moving my head up and down on his cock as fast as possible – he told me to slow down – so I did and despite my request, he came while I was sucking him. I tried to spit it out but swallowed quite a bit.
I felt a bit dumb about trusting him but I decided not to show too much and after cleaning up, I gave him a completely incompetent massage and we has another suck and fuck – this time, I carefully put a condom on him – I was not very skilful at that since John and I never used them. I found I didn’t enjoy sucking with a condom on – the latex taste was not good.
Whole he was fucking me, I came – I was turned on by seeing myself in the mirror riding this stranger with his cock pushing his cock in and out of me.
When we had finished, he gave me a $20 tip and told me I was a natural. He said his name was Bill and he’d see me again.
I returned to the waiting area feeling quite special – which was really very dumb since all the other girls were doing exactly the same things. I sat down and wanted to talk about it. The Chinese girl, Sue, looked at me and said “Your first trick?” I nodded and we talked a bit about it – she laughed at me when I old how he had cum in my mouth. She was cynical but nice to me. She said that she had been working 8 years – which shocked me when I found out she was only 24. She said that we should become friends – I nodded.
She was called out for one of her regulars – and one of the Filipinas said to me when she had gone –“ be careful of Sue – she likes to fuck girls”. That made me more curious about her.
I had 5 more customers over the night – 3 half hour sessions and 2 hour sessions. A couple had come in too see the new girl since the Madam had rung them to tell about me. Most were pretty typical suck and fucks. Two of them wanted to lick my pussy – I let them of course.
Only one was different – he asked me to lie in front of me and spread my legs. He then examined me closely. Then he asked me how I liked being a whore, knowing my cunt was available to any man for a few dollars. He played with my pussy a bit and told me to beg him to fuck me. So, I begged him, “please fuck me”. Actually I was quite turned on by it. He then called me a horny little slut and told me to suck him. After that it turned in to a pretty standard fuck and suck session. But at the end he surprised me by asking me to marry him and he’d become my pimp - I didn’t know what to say, so I said I’d think about it.
At the end of the day, the madam asked me if I would come again and I immediately said yes. She then arranged my roster. I chose evenings and weekends, since John, my lover, would visit me often at lunch times and I didn’t want to miss these sessions – after all he was the reason I came to Sydney in the first place. I agreed to start the next day.
I went home very pumped up – I was a whore – I was a shocking slut - I thought of what my family would think. I saw my future as man after man used me, fucking my pussy or face – and, strangely, I did not feel shame, it excited me. I felt I really was a natural as my first customer had said.
To close off, I quote the end of my diary entry for the day written in the early morning after coming home. It shows the state of excitement that I was in.
“I am lying here, writing my diary in the nude – I can see myself in the mirror, I spread my legs so I can see where the cocks went a few hours ago when I was selling my pussy – I still look the same but I feel I have changed. Even while I am writing, I feel so horny. John will come in about 9 hours time and I hope he will fuck me like the cheap and dirty whore I am – it makes me wet to think about it. He says he is turned on by whores – god, I hope he is turned on by me – I need him to use me – and tonight, I will fuck more strangers – I am a slut – I should be ashamed but all I can think of is the cocks that will fuck my whore mouth or pussy – funny, I am even more excited by thinking about it than when I was doing it. Got to stop writing – I want to play with my pussy now, I am so hot.”
(John did come that lunchtime and he did fuck me hard and treat me like a whore but as I have found so often with him, he did it in such a way that still showed respect for me – he knew I wanted it and that I was too excited to act calmly.)
Monday 6 August 2007 - 09:26AM (EST)
Been busy & a bit down
For some reason, I never find enough time to write my blog. My next main post will be about my first few days as a hooker. But, the last few days, I've been a bit down. My husband is stressed from his work and writing this blog sometimes makes me think what a worthless and boring little whore I am.
Been helping a long-time friend & her gf at her private location - which is ok but I think I prefer parlour work because it is more impersonal. Also when we're all waiting for clients, I always feel as if I am in the way and they want to be alone together. They say that they like me around - I hope it is true.
Monday 30 July 2007 - 02:46PM (EST)
Been helping a long-time friend & her gf at her private location - which is ok but I think I prefer parlour work because it is more impersonal. Also when we're all waiting for clients, I always feel as if I am in the way and they want to be alone together. They say that they like me around - I hope it is true.
Monday 30 July 2007 - 02:46PM (EST)
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