Chat with Annette

Happy new year everyone!

I had a little chat with Annette after talking to her mother. I started off by commenting how nice her mother was and then telling about the coffee chat – Joan and I had agreed that we would tell Annette – after all we both cared for her and we didn’t want to ever get in the situation that we were hiding things from her – how damaging that would be!

I didn’t want to challenge Annette too much on it but commented that her mother had suggested she was shy about her feelings for me. As soon as I said this, Annette then just poured her heart out without my pushing her – she said that she was mad about me – everyone seemed to know apart from me – Sue and Lisa had discussed it a lot with her – John was very aware - that is why when he had seen us together the day Annette reunited us – he had been so worried – he thought that Annette and I had decided to become lovers and he was on the outside again. Jane had picked up Annette’s feelings quickly and even Annie had made a remark to her.

I asked why did she seem to want to push me together with Lin and Annette just laughed – she said, she thought Lin and I were ideally suited as fuck partners but before she let Lin near me, Lin had promised absolutely that she would do nothing to split us – and Annette trusted her. Annette would rather I fucked women she trusted than women she didn’t. (Annette didn’t explicitly mention Sandra but I think that is who she is thinking of.) Annette was fond of Lin and wanted to maintain contact – she said she couldn’t tell why exactly but there was something about her that niggled at the back of Annette’s mind. Lin seemed so strong and self-reliant but it just wasn’t all as convincing as all that. Annette may be right but Lin seems perfectly o.k. to me.

Annette said that she was a bit annoyed at her mum for telling me but she knew that she meant the best. Again, I envy Annette for having such a strong and close family.

After Annette had finished talking, I held her close for a while and told her that I cared deeply for her and would never want to hurt her. I hoped we would – all three – share our lives. I did not say I loved her most of all because she knows my deepest feelings for John but Annette is the other very special person in my life, as I told her. I only told her the truth and did not say anything that could deceive her -even if it might make her happy at the time.

I was more unnerved by Annette’s declaration of deep love for me – I love her a lot but not with the same intensity I fear. I am actually scared of how deeply John and Annette seem to love me. I have too much power to hurt them and I am not confident that I am worthy of it. Too much responsibility for a whore like me!

Wednesday 31 December 2008 - 03:55PM (EST)