Introspection

One of my blog reader friends asked me for more introspection. I am not sure quite what he wants. Should I search my soul and see whether or not I like myself? How do I feel about myself? What drives me?

I am not really that good at looking at myself that deeply – maybe, I don’t want to know. I know in most ways I am not ambitious but I seek sexual success.

I know I am a very sexual woman – I enjoy having men lust after me and enjoy my body – I like the physical and the psychological side of it. Why? Am I nympho? I guess so but it doesn’t seem that it is particularly related to an excess in some hormone – it is more in my mind.

I know that while I like having a cock in my pussy, I am more turned on by looking at myself in the mirror sucking off a stranger’s cock. When I am being fucked, I am most turned on if the man looks at his cock going into my pussy as I ride him. I try to spread my legs to let my fuck partner see as much as possible. I want the man’s attention and I want to feel he is using me.

To be honest, I often get a buzz when I walk into the waiting room and display myself in front of a potential client. When he looks at me as a fuck object, I want to show him I am a slut.

But outside of my sexuality, I am more a take-it-as-it-comes type of person – when something happens I just accept it. I have strong views on a lot of things as John points out. I am quite quick tempered especially around the time of my period. I can also get quite bored and I am a bit worried that I am an excitement junkie and that gets me too quickly involved in new things.

On the whole I enjoy life without too much analysis. I love gossiping with my friends, going out to restaurants, reading and most of all sharing time with my daughter. I spend a lot of life on sex but by no means all of it.

I am seldom involved in navel-gazing – maybe I should do it more. When I do think about myself it is always the sexual side that comes up. It is clear to me is how much I let my life be governed by my sexuality – maybe that is unhealthy but it is part of me.

So, do I like myself or not? On the whole yes although there are some things I regret and there are things that I don’t like about myself. I can be too grumpy, I can be too flighty.

What drives me? I am driven my sexuality, my need for attention and my need for close relationships as a bedrock for my life. I use my relationships to counter the other things – and with my daughter, John and Annette I have the best relationships i could ever hope for.

Saturday 29 November 2008 - 09:26AM (EST)