Too much?

One reader of the blog sent me a message about how I make things complicated for myself. I guess it is a reasonable comment and my recent involvement in Lisa and Sue’s life somewhat highlights the point – although in my defence, this was more Annette’s doing than mine.

I am actually quite worried by the comment – not because it is unfair or unkind – quite the opposite - but because it hit a little too close to the bone. I seem always to be complicating things – someone else commented my life sounds like a movie.


Maybe, I have a problem. Why can’t I be normal? I guess being a prostitute is not normal but do I need to have such a complicated personal life – in fact at the moment it just keeps getting more complicated.


I talked to John about this and he remarked (in a very gentle and non-critical way) that I am an intense woman – I get involved in things and I continually make things happen. I live life to its fullest and choose my friends as people who are more interesting than stable.


He also said to me “Strangely, you are most stable in moments of great change and you are actually becoming more stable but you love excitement - your vivacity and activity are part of what makes me love you so much”. He really does have a sweet tongue – I wonder how much sugar he is swallowing!


Despite his comments, I still feel I am a bit freakish. Is it just the time of month? Why can’t I be a normal girl instead of a slut who screws around all the time and has so many lovers and friends who, while more stable than me, all create complications – or is it just that I create complications?

I am not feeling very happy with myself and maybe I need to seriously change? Am I failure? Is it too much?

Saturday 8 November 2008 - 04:09PM (EST)