Three blog Entries at once! And the happy day has come!

Well, my life is nothing if not exciting. I am now a second mother to a little healthy boy. Very cute – doesn’t look at all like his second mother but a lot like his first mother who is remarkably well and a lot like his Dad who is doting on him and working hard to ensure our daughter accepts her half-brother.

I will tell more shortly but first an explanation for a deluge of posts: two other major events have also taken place. I want to share them with my blog-reading friends. My time has been limited and so although some of the events are over two weeks old, I have only just found time to put them into my blog. So apart from this blog entry, there are two more entries: one about the hunk and another about family. The family event is especially important to me personally.

Well, Annette gave birth to a healthy little son, 3.4kg. Annette is healthier than a woman who has just given birth ought to be. It was a smooth if not easy birth. Mother and child are already back home and our sleep is being adjusted – but he is a good little boy: he cries a bit but is good tempered and is already settling into a four hour sleep-feed routine

I was not as involved as I might have liked when he was born but there were good reasons. We decided that it would be better if we didn’t discuss our family structure with the hospital – we might receive more attention from concerned social workers and such than we really needed. So, I came as a family friend to visit while John and Annette’s mother stayed with her over the time. John went in with her to the delivery room.

I gather Annette was a particularly emotional during the labour period and told John quite a few “home truths” about his character that meant Annette’s mother spent some time afterwards correcting these truths – one of the nurses had spoken to her and said that she was concerned by the remarks and thought John might need some comfort. John has said nothing to me about them although Annette’s mother said that the remarks were very hurtful and asked me to be particularly gentle with him – she said that even as Annette’s mother, she couldn’t endorse the things Annette said although she didn’t tell me what they were.

On the positive, John has fallen in love with his little son – I have pangs of (unreasonable) jealousy on behalf of my daughter when I see how he dotes on him but then I remember John and our little daughter – he was just as doting when she was born- and know that I am being completely unreasonable.

Annette wants me to love our little son as much – if not more – than my daughter and while I love him, I do not yet feel the same deep links as I do to her – John pulled me aside and told me not to pay too much attention – although he loves his son and daughter equally, he said for me it would be unnatural not to feel a preference towards the daughter I gave birth to. He asked me to please try and love our son as much as possible. He also said that I should understand Annette as the new mother of a gorgeous baby boy has a natural bias towards him and is perhaps not fully attuned with my feelings at this point. He also emphasised to me that the little boy has not replaced or reduced his own love for our daughter. He also expressed concern that I might feel neglected or anxious with all the attention to Annette and her son.

I told him not to worry about me – I am a big girl and can look after myself I but did say he must look after himself – he cannot stretch himself too many ways and he must remember he is so important and special in our family. I could not express to him how much I value the fact that he has given me so much time at a period of such intense pressure and that he could stop and think of my feelings – I just wish he could protect his own feelings as much! Well I guess I must help him with that but I believe the enjoyment of his two children will also help him – my daughter has not been neglected by him over this time but has been introduced to her baby brother and encouraged to feel close to him (although we won’t let her hold him yet, except in a most controlled way)– in fact, the only time in the last few weeks John pushed back on Annette (gently) was when she discouraged my daughter.

I think this little boy may complicate our lives further but when I looked at him sleeping peacefully in his cot, I can’t help thanking God for gorgeous little people like him and also for a chance to share this part of my life with a wonderful man like that little boy’s father.

Saturday 28 March 2009 - 10:53AM (EST)