Jane is doing it rough but she is doing all in her power. She has already found a place near us – a two bedroom unit – but the rent is high and she has limited money – we are all organising furniture for her so that she can at least get a start. Annette’s parents had a spare fridge that they are getting dropped off this week. Jane and the kids will move into the place in a couple of days. She is so anxious about being the way no matter what we say.
We (Annette, Sue and Lisa, John, Annie and me) are all really worried about her and trying to give her a new support basis. Her husband has contacted most of her friends and told them about Jane’s past – a very few have phoned her to support her but most are giving her the cold shoulder. She feels her whole life has been destroyed – she can’t go back to live in her house – her neighbours all know – and she lives in a very conservative area. Also she is scared becauseshe is not protected from her husband there. She did go back one time – John, Annie and Sue went with her – to collect her clothes and her children’s clothes and toys.
She cannot face her former friends in parents’ groups or school activities. She is starting life again and so I really believe she needs as much support as possible. And most of all she is worried about her children – she is terrified that they learn to despise her or be ashamed of her and even more terrified of losing them - her husband is already pressing to have them removed from her since she is an “unfit mother”. I have had my differences with Jane in the past but one thing that is definite is that she is the most loving and doting mother any child could have – my only criticism has ever been that she is too protective – and, as John commented, that is not how an “unfit” mother would act.
The one thing that really pleases me is that we have been able to join together and give her love at a time like this. I am especially impressed with Annie who has formed a solid friendship with her and is keeping a close eye to ensure that Jane is safe.
Another thing that pleases me is that Jane’s former girlfriend from her working days – a Western woman called Linda – has been around a lot helping and comforting. Jane broke off from Linda when pressured by her parents to become a respectable woman, get married and have children. Linda was, I hear, pretty upset at the time but she later also drifted into a more conventional life and got married and had kids.
Linda told her husband everything – her gay relationship and her period of prostitution – and commented that while he was not particularly comfortable about it, he has never used it against her. In fact, when Linda told him about Jane he immediately told her that she should go and help her and he would mind the kids – there are still a lot of decent men out there, you know!
Jane herself is drastically altered – she is very quiet and often a bit teary. She keeps thanking us and saying how much she owes us. I don’t think any of us want her to feel that way – we are there because we know what is right and since we are her friends, this is when we support.
Friday 19 December 2008 - 10:09PM (EST)
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