The Last Answer

The question was:

1) When did you start fucking? I read you talk about a bf who put you down before you met John but you also said John was the third man you fucked. Was that bf the first and did you have a casual fuck with some other guy in between him and John?

OK, here goes – this doesn’t fit with the light tone of my other answers and so it is a separate blog entry.


No the other guy wasn’t a casual fuck. Between the ages of 12 and 14, my uncle forced me to have sex. It was only his death in a car accident that stopped it. It was a horrible degrading and miserable experience. I never enjoyed it and it poisoned my teen years. It took a lot of support from John to move me to a point I can face it at least realistically but over 10 years later I still try to avoid the topic while never hiding from it. It split me from my family and finished up splitting up my parents, since my mother refused to believe her brother could do such a thing. I will never forgive my mother for not believing me and I will always regret that I did not trust my father to support me as he did when he finally found out.


Even now, I still wonder what my life would have been like without that period of my life. Maybe, I would not be living my life like I am, selling my cunt to men. When I think this, I think how pathetic I am that I still let one thing shape my life. John taught me not to blame myself for what happened – and I will always be deeply grateful for his kindness, understanding and the time he spent leading me to understand the situation as it really was.


It is also the reason why I believe that child abuse is never justifiable and I will go out of my way to stop anyone who I believe is involved – it can damage people too much.

Friday 8 February 2008 - 06:40AM (EST)